As someone in your exact shoes (married 18 years, 3.5 yr old son, full time job), I'm reminded of something my father taught me when I was very young. "If it's important, you make time."
How important is it to you? If it's more important than watching Netflix with the wife and kid, then send them packing to the bedroom. (Putting the old PS3 in the bedroom with the PS4 in the living room or vice-versa does wonders for multi-tasking these things.)
Or just realize that your time with wife and kid is more important than virtual objects in a virtual world that never really existed in the first place and will be history in 10 years. Then shrug it off and laugh at time given to things that never existed in the first place.
Or compromise. Watch that movie, kiss the family goodnight, then stay up til 3 am. Cause you'll definitely sleep when you're dead.
But nothing about having limited play time means you're a casual. Casual is about how you approach the game time you do have. Casual is about not accepting the challenges when they're staring you in the face. Casual is taking the easy way out at the loot cave because running missions and fighting the good fight in the Crucible might mean less virtual toys. Suck it up. Play all night, work all day. Train your kids how to have some discipline in both working hard and playing hard too.
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Cheers, man. I 'm with you on this one. With a six year old and another on the way... I balance work, wife and family and still get plenty of time to play. It's all about prioritizing and managing time. Vault of Glass or Weekly strikes as soon as I get on. Waste no time joining a random dance party in tower or trying to work a god-forsaken loot cave. Your play time is what you make it. If you can't put forth the effort to pre-plan with your family or can't find the energy to "find a group for the vault" (y'all could seriously try harder), this is NOT the game for you.
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Or how about this? Actually make a game with the claims you made implemented instead of a rehash grindfest then maybe us dads can enjoy casually playing. While you can go grind the freakin crucible and strikes. Id rather join friends and discover the vastness of our solar system oh but wait....we already did....what? 37 times? Nuh uh.