*I creep silently through the underbrush.* "A-ha!" In the distance, A small cottage with a light on. *Hope!* *I move stealthily toward it,* But My leg! "AH!" It's caught in a bear trap! *Gnawing off my leg,* *Limping toward the cottage,* *Now I'm on the doorstep,* Sitting inside, is Shia Labeouf. *He is Sharpening an axe,* "Shia Labeouf" *But he doesn't hear me enter,* "Shia Labeouf?" *I'm sneaking up behind him.* *Strangling superstar Shia Labeouf.*