I'm not actually depressed, but I fear I'm gaining a Holden Caulfield syndrome. I'm pretty much done with my Sega in my hometown, by August 02 I'm leaving to go to a military institution where I essentially go off the grid. Now I'm looking back at what I did wrong and what I did right . In High School:Freshman year, I was a -blam!- up, set a microwave on fire (didn't get caught, no one saw it but my friend. So we claimed it was a seniors last act of rebellion), failed math and didn't focus on grades. Granted I was a social kid, and hanged around groups. Sophomore year I said "No -blam!- this" and focused on grades. Found this small group of alright nerds, 1 Mr Skelton and 2 Tumblr type females. They'll always look to me to get assistance with personal problems, they even went so far to say I should become a -blam!-ing therapist. Though one of the tumblrites said that she was able to go see some Dr Who shit in a week, and hell she was excited. Yet after the weekend after that we get news she died, and did that hit Mr Skelton hard. Poor guy was bawling his eyes out for days on end, and after the news everyone looked for me for answers. I was the only one who knew her in that class that wasn't in a train wreck mood, I felt bad but I didn't exactly know her that well. I went to a little moment of silence for her outside the school out of respect, I felt it was right seeing I knew her.After that I just continued to help out my remain 2 friends in that class. Junior year was a train wreck and I guess a uplifting. Well that's when I was at the peak when it came to being social, I was known by a large amount of seniors and underclassmen. Though that's not when the train went off the rails. It was a -blam!-ing girl, a short one, one that was hella insecure, one that seemed like a baby bird out of it's nest. In this class i knew no one, but she and her friend pulled me in, and over time shit started to escalate. I learned she had tally marks for each day she didn't self inflict, she never ate thinking she was to fat, and had fears of being to melodramatic. Almost everyday, I'll remind her to don't give a -blam!- on what others think of her. And over time she got healthier, she had a more positive outlook on life. She did the same for me also, she listened to me and my struggles. Now after the 1st semester ended, she ended up in my math class. She still used me as a way to communicate with people, and over time she became more outgoing to people then me. We played games in that class and helped each other out. By this time she felt like the little sister I never had, someone I can true protect. The hill turned once people started asking me if we were together, I always declined then one -blam!- time I got stupid as hell. I thought "You know....maybe I should ask her out". Back in first semester i remembered, we were watch a movie, lights went off turning the room into a dark void. She clinched to my thigh and brushed it off like it was nothing, so I did too. Eventually the time came were I did it, and she looked like a tiger just came and murdered her family. Only to respond with a faint "no". I'm not going to get into the rest of this story, we split ways and when we saw each other after we would only glance at each other then go on with our lives. Senior year:1st Semester. Okay so it started on a week called spirit week, randomly some girl that knows me from my sister asks if I can take me home, I of course do it and it becomes a thing for months. I'm kinda a shy kid so I try to strike up conversation and she'll listen even how bland it is. Yet I'll listen to her troubles, her dad was going through surgery, sister was getting married and working. Also she always told me how she always has to tender to her alcoholic BF. We would just talk about how we always don't feel in place with the groups were in, I hanged with the weebs, she was with the preps. We would talk about our older siblings bring us down and any other random thing. Now last week of the 1st semester, we talk about what classes we have next semest' and ends up we have government the block. We just hope we have the same classes, yet that didn't turn out to be true. 2nd last day my brother had to pick us up and we sat outside the school waiting for him, I told her he'll be here in a minute. She says on how there's a bright blue sky that we can look at and if I'm sad that we may never see each other after. Brother came before I can truly answer that and we took her home. Now on the last day we just hoped we would be in another class together, last thing I did with her was wave bye. Now I want to just call her to say, "hey" but let's move on. Second semester I tried to lay low, get grades and GTFO. Don't get involved and just remain under the level. Eventually this kid got into my life, he was a loner, and I had him in all my classes. He eventually started talking to me cause I knew what the hell anime was. I put him under my wing and helped him communicate with others problem is, I'm certain he had autism, I'm not even joking or atleast a low level of it, he could not get a hint to save his life and had low grades. I brought him to my lunch table so he can communicate with others and he did just that, But boy did he not think about what he's saying or gave a -blam!- what he was saying. Eventually my lunch table put the burden on me to tell him that they want him gone. I told him to be more respectful of others, then he showed me his little anime drawing, but damn did he have a talent with art. At lunch my table moved to another table to avoid him, I felt -blam!-ing bad doing it but I did it. They told him we had no seats when he found us and he just sat alone, even when I told him that day "see him at lunch" but -blam!- I felt bad. I was afraid when I get to my next class, he'll avoid me. But for some reason he was still happy and showed me his completed drawing. He was even quiet and more respectful. Over time i kinda became his older brother and helped him pass. And then I got out of HS Well, that's my sap story , honestly don't know why I did this and no one will read it. Not even myself. Just had to let it go. Frozen references need not apply