originally posted in:CentauriAlpha Fan Fiction
Chapter 1
The traveler. This giant mechanical behemoth gave birth to a new age. It is during this age our story begins. His beginnings were like any other. Born to the name trexus, he was a normal child. He of course showed interest in normal boy things and was quite good in his anti-grav Grifball team. He grew up to a loving family, and majored in computer and technology design. He lived his life up the age of 32. Thats when it happened. His life changed forever. He lost it all.
He woke up one morning. He expected it to be like any other morning. When he awoke he got up and went into the kitchen to have the breakfast that his wife unusually cooked for him. When he saw her he knew something was wrong. She stood there, holding an audio communicator looking stunned.
"what's wrong?" he said.
"you were, you were drafted. " she looked like she was going to cry.
He knew what that meant. For a few years now people had been disappearing. They were "drafted" for tests, never to be seen again. The strange thing was, people knew it happened, but know one had an example. No one could name a single lost person. To be drafted was to be written out of history.
"when are they coming?" he said, a hint of fear in his voice.
"now" she said. With that, she burst into tears
"it's gonna be OK. I'll be fine. I'll see you again."
Then a loud knock was heard. Trexus went over to the door, and opened it. 2 men stood there with pistols at their hips.
"you both need to come with us" one said
Obediently the two followed the men, knowing the consequences for not cooperating. They stepped into a small hovercraft and flew off, headed for Venus.
Chapter 1.5
The planet was beautiful from orbit. The lush green forests and blue skyline. They were headed for the clovis bray facility. When they landed they entered a large building. The trexus and his wife were told to say goodbye and his wife was taken to a room of to the side. Trexus was ordered to keep following and was led to a small room.
The inside of the chamber was well kept, lines with wiring and a bright white light in the ceiling. Inside the chamber was a bed, and what looked to be doctors tools. A door opened and in stepped a man. He was of average size and wore a white doctors uniform.
"lay down on the table" he said.
Trexus obeyed, wishing he was somewhere else. The true nature of the situation finally began to grasp him. He had been selected to disagree. To be wicked off to an alien planet never to be seen again. That was when a second realization came to him. He was afraid. But not the normal nervousness he felt when he heard a loud sound in the dark. Bot even as scared as when he thought we was going to be fired. He was terrified, for his life, for his future, for his part. He could potentially lose everything. Everything could be lost, and he couldn't do a thing to stop it. And that that, that last bit. The part about not being able to stop it. Thats what scared him most of all.
He layed down on the table, arms at his side. The doctor gave him a basic check up, noted down his analysis, and told trexus to follow him. He lead him to a room, and inside the walls were lined by small pods, many of which contained people. He looked around wondering who they all were. He was lead to his own pod, ordered to step in. He obeyed of course, not asking questions. The doctor then closed the door and the pod filled with mist. And trexus closed his eyes.
[i]Thanks for reading. Click the tag TSOE (the story of eyes) to see other chapters, leave suggestions, comments, orencouragement in the comments[/i]
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I skimmed and saw the line "lay down on the table" and skimmed the next line. I swear this was some fanfiction about omnigul dominating them XD nah good stuff
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Edited by EmptySoul 505: 6/1/2015 4:24:14 AMSounds good, some of the spelling is off and extra words. A good book usually goes in to more details, describing everything, how the mist filled the pods or how the pods them selves looked. If it's a foreign object try putting more details, adds to the read time and let's the reader feel more in the story. To me this felt a bit rushed. But still good, interesting.
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I really like this so far!!! Keep it up!!
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I say same length, depends per chapter
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Edited by Helykaon: 5/26/2015 3:31:12 AMSweet, nice job eyes! But yeah you need to make these chapters way longer, maybe 1.5x this, but the content and grammar are good: