Chicken Poker Act I

Once upon a drunken, hazy night, about the seedy alleyways of town Revned, two amicable friends made their way for gold and glory; much to their ignorance, chicken eggs and chance. They were in for a long night. Act I [Enter the two wayfaring knights, Sir Cadrigan and Hardun into an alley with a mad raver] Scene 1 Mad raver: Listen, listen you damned walkers, callous fools, classless morons! Sir Hardun: What is it that annoys you so much to spurt your annoying use of language on us? Mad raver: Ah, you are idiots as the rest of them! I hold myself solitary on this street, a vigilant in paupers rags, can't you see me? But I will tell you my exalted views on the world and I shall force you to recognize my radiant world insight! Sir Cadrigan: Let's go, he's obviously mad-" Mad Raver: I am the voice of reason here! Sir Hardun: Not a person walking along these darkened alleys gives a single shit about whatever it is you blither on about Sir Cadrigan: Hardun, Why bother with this madman? Can't you see the deranged look in his eye? The way he conducts himself as if he's a Lone wolf among a horde of sheep? Come Sir Hardun, he cares nothing for the likes of you and me, but sees himself only, a solitary priest in a world of sinners needing enlightenment when it is he that lies in this dark gutter, mumbling to himself and assaulting newcomers. I hope few people walk this way... Sir Hardun: Unhand me, friend! This nuisance must see the error of his ways! I refuse to let someone of his low caliber walk on me with his shitty musings! Come, help me against him! Mad Raver: What are you trying to pull here- [pulls out a knife] Sir Cadrigan: Shall we leave now? Sir Hardun: Well, we don't have anything like that [Knights back away from the madman and continue down the alleyway] Scene II Sir Cadrigan: Ah, the air feels a bit lighter here Sir Hardun: Why couldn't you take offense to him?! Sir Cadrigan: take offense, you have that sense of pride that allows umbrage to affect you, the same kind that Raver sulks with in the dark. Sir Hardun: What am I now, a monster? Sir Cadrigan: Monsters live in the dark, they sustain a certain flame of hatred, they may live under bridges for all I know. No, Hardun, as long as you walk beside me you'll never hunch low on scaly haunches Sir Hardun: So what, you fancy yourself a samaritan then? What, you prevent the would-be sinners from sinning? What are you, a priest? What are you, god? Sir Cadrigan: There's good skepticism in your voice. That's precisely what I preach, skepticism. You'll be taken in by nothing and be taken by nothing. To care for these alleys is a mistake, and the ones who try cleansing its denizens most become the dirtiest refuse. I stay away from care, for it makes monsters of good people. [Enter Shadow] Sir Hardun: By god, what is that thing? Sir Cadrigan: I don't see it Hardun: No? There [points] I see it, is it feigning death over there? [Shadow lifts itself] Shadow: look at me, look at me! See my lovely form, tormented by this awful darkness?! Sir Cadrigan: I can't see much of anything, actually Shadow: Here, come closer and inspect me you two fine fellows, come to me Sir Cadrigan: I'd rather not Sir Hardun: Perhaps we should listen to what it has to say, it may really be a lovely creature! Who can tell with all this darkness? Sir Cadrigan: What, are you Sir hard-on now? Don't think with your cock in a place like this. Everything is transient in darkness, even ladies. I don't trust it. Shadow: Ah, another horrid critic! Such woe is me, I am agony! Surely there's no worse creature alive than I. Don't pity me, men, I am so lost. Sir Hardun: come on, have a heart! This one, unlike the last, needs us! Don't you see that? Sir Cadrigan: What is this thing you keep seeing? I can't see anything! And you [gestures towards the darkness], you who steal openly from Oedipus, shame on you! You discredit pain itself with your bitching! Shadow: Your words burn, stranger (Aside: Yes!) and I like it so! Yes, hear me, let one see me, come closer you, and you, berate me so. This attention is simply arousing! Sir Cadrigan: What a sick creature! Such sadistic tendencies! Shadow: Yes, I'm low, yes, scum! Continue my sweet critic, and I'll bathe in your loathing, I'll be your mistress of misery, the more you hate me, the more I'll love you! Sir Hardun: (Aside- I must admit, I'm drawn to her, though I can't say why). Sir Hardun: My friend, can't you see? You give her precisely what she wants! If you give in so willingly, accompany me in servicing her other need. Sir Cadrigan: You can't even see it! I can't even see it! How do we know it's even there?! Why would we want to know? Can't YOU see that the pathetic creature isn't worth another second of our time? Can't it see that its existence is something trivial and sick? Can you see, lascivious lady of shadow, your pointlessness and your baseness? I have an answer for you, alleviate us of yourself and dissipate in the light! Sir Hardun: Stay friend! You're taking this much too far! You care too much about this topic, you make yourself a monster! Sir Cadrigan: [covers face with hand] Let's leave this place, I'm sick of darkness, I need some light. Damn you morning, you wait too long! Lady of Shadow [rising]: Stay here a bit longer with me, until sunrise! Then I'll cease to exist and we may both have our wishes. Sir Hardun: Ah, see her now? There she is, taller before us, just a shade lighter than the lightless alley. I wonder... Sir Cadrigan: When is morning anyway? Sir Hardun: I'm curious, Lady Shadows, can you see us? Lady of Shadow: From here, you both look dark. Sir Hardun: On this level, I'll bet we all look the same. Sir Cadrigan: No we don't! Sir Hardun: But think for a moment, friend. Here you are, about to attack her with another volley of insults when you're as indistinguishable from the dark as she is. We all blend in here even if we say we don't. All of us are part of the darkness. Sir Cadrigan: Fine. May we leave now? I can't stand her. Sir Hardun: Sure, but after you apologize for being a hypocritical ass. Sir Cadrigan: I won't apologize for her, I don't care for her. Sir Hardun: You are your own kind of monster, Sir Cadrigan. Sir Cadrigan: Aren't we all? [Exit Lady Shadow] Sir Hardun: She's gone, and there's no more reason to stay. I wonder why she left... Sir Cadrigan: I don't care. [Exit Sit Hardun and Sir Cadrigan]