{{
`${userDetail.user.displayName}${userDetail.user.cachedBungieGlobalDisplayNameCode ? `#${standardizeBungieGlobalCode(userDetail.user.cachedBungieGlobalDisplayNameCode)}` : ""}`}}
{{getUserClans()}}
2/5/2015 10:54:54 PM
1
Through the tears and the snot, you look inside the box, and see old leather sandals.
"What horse shit is this?" You cry, you wanted something better. But not to be defeated you put them on anyway. Suddenly your muscles bulge and you feel super manly! You are now He-Man, the most manly man ever!
English
-
Edited by AHeroicKumquat: 2/5/2015 11:25:34 PMI marvel at my newfound masculinity. I flex my bulging biceps. The box quivers. But only in my imagination. Boxes don't really quiver. Obviously. I glare down at the box. "Looks like the shoe's on the other foot now, eh?" I cry. There is silence. I feel faintly ridiculous. I kick the box, angry that it has affronted me, even now that I have the Power of Greyskull. My toe hurts. The box hasn't moved. I am enraged. I have conquered the box (or indeed, have conveniently forgotten the events of less than two minutes ago), yet still it resists my shining abs and lustrous blond locks. I wrench a thick slab of rock from the ground beneath my feet. I ignore the obvious flaw in this plan. I fall over into the new hole beneath my feet. The boulder hits my sore toe. The box watches my embarrassment with a condescending stare. The box still has no eyes. That still makes it worse. I proceed to pummel the box into submission with the boulder. Suffice to say this tense battle of wills between superhuman idol and cardboard box continues for some time. The box does not submit. I feel shame at my defeat. I realise that whilst I may have become He-Man, the box is still the true Master of the Universe. I remove the sandals. My physique seems to deflate. My biceps no longer bulge. My locks are limp and dirty. I want to cry. I place the sandals back in the box. The box looks smug. I do cry. The box takes pity on me...
-
[spoiler]you made me laugh so ill play along[/spoiler] The sandals hit the bottom of the box and flash brightly! They change into the wabbajack! *sheogorath's laughter can be heard across the sky*
-
I stare in wonder at the staff. I realise ultimate power is mine. All my enemies will bow down before me. For all fear the Chickenation Beam. I grasp the Wabbajack confidently. I know what I must do. The box nods sagely. "You must smite down those who oppose you in the land of Skyrim - begin with That Annoying Guy in Whiterun - The One That's a Dick About the Cloud District" I must obey the command. I ignore the fact that I am taking orders from a cardboard box. I set off to take my vengeance. After an unexpectedly short time I reach Whiterun. I venture into the centre of the town. I see my target. He says the same thing to everyone who passes. "Do you get to the Cloud District often? No, what am I thinking, of course you don't" My heart swells with rage. The DICK. I march up to him. The Wabbajack is raised. "Do you get to the Cloud-" "GET CHICKENED, BITCH" I scream. I cast some sweet voodoo magic. He does not get chickened. He is a cow. No one else reacts to this. I stare at the cow. The cow stares at me. I start to back away. It's an awfully big cow. The cow chases me around Whiterun for far too long. The cow accidentally hits a chicken and is immediately swarmed by guards. The cow drowns under cries of "I used to be an adventurer like you!" The cow is vanquished. A guard stares at me. I stare at his knee. "I took an arrow to the knee" he tells me. I didn't know this already. I hit him in the knee with the Wabbajack. He has knees of steel. I think I have broken my hand. The guard takes out his mace. I realise the error of my ways. "Aww, did someone steal your sweetcake?" He asks me? I suddenly wish someone had stolen my sweetcake. He is surprisingly good at macing people to death. I pray for the box to save me...
