Just How Stupid is My Ghost? Why did this idiot have to be the one to bring me back from the dead? Can I trade him in? Sometimes I just want to break the resurrection cycle and go back to my permanent vacation. This guy clearly is useless in combat and he is suppose to teach me to use my light as a weapon? He never gives me any instruction and I spend most of the time saving him. Here is an example of how useless this guy is. Why is it when I sneak into enemy territory and I travel into the shadows for a short period he goes into flashlight mode? What the hell Dinklebot? We are trying to stay somewhat inconspicuous here. It is a low grade, smooth, unobstructed path. I think I’ll be fine without your 153,987 lumen glowing eye attracting attention. Clearly, he isn’t aware of how the human pupil works. That brings up another point. For god's sake why don’t I have night vision equipment built into my helmet? Did someone un-invent this technology during the collapse? I can punch an enemy and watch him derez, tron style, shoot balls of lighting, and create magic, one shot kill revolvers out of thin air but I can’t have a simple set of NVG’s!? Trust me ghost, I can make it down a dark hallway without you needing to flip on the bat signal. I’m recently resurrected not crippled and stupid. I wish this guy had a little pull cord that I could tug and turn his “light of the holy Traveler” off. My bed side lamp has that and it doesn't talk back either. Come to think of it I think I’d rather take my bedside lamp into battle with me. After all DinkleBot has the sensitivity to detect activity underground on the moon by just looking at it but he can’t seem to pick an electronic lock on a door without bringing down, on me, the black hordes of the apocalypse. This Ghost is incompetent. [b]Ghost while hacking a lock[/b]: “I’m starting to detect a pattern” [b]Me[/b]: “Oh, is that the pattern where I continually protect your ass while you macguffin? Yeah, I sensed that one a while back. Hurry up please, this is a lvl 28 mission.” If he can detect specifically which enemies are in the area why can’t he find those Golden Chests? Seriously, this guy is holding out on me. Who are you dealing with behind my back Ghost? It’s Rahool J. Cryptarch you’re working with isn’t it!? That damn dirty fence! Why does he never ask permission before he ghost penetrates me? I have a woman Hunter too so you’d think he’d be a good chap and buy me a few drinks or something. Maybe ask my name or pretend to be interested in the things I like or something. Tell me my eyes are pretty, something, anything. Hey asshole! No means no. Stop penetrating me! So a list of things I noticed about DinkleBot that annoy me: [b]1[/b]. This guy can resurrect things like people, so why can’t he resurrect the plot? It is no where near as complex as my character, this is a Bungie game not Final Fantasy or Kingdom Hearts 2. [b]2[/b]. He seems to think the Cabal and Fallen are dangerous and I don’t think I have to explain how dumb that is. [b]3[/b]. Who the hell is Doctor Shin? Yes, it is important! I have the gun you don’t get to decide these things. [b]4[/b]. What do you mean am I “ready to kill a god?” Which god? Not if it is one I worship, no, I’m not ready. Can I pee first? [b]5[/b]. "They've broken the Bekenstein limit!" Really! Is that the one where the data would have greater density than a black hole? So how does your bullshit escape it? It’s hard to even list all the ways DinkleBot doesn’t measure up to my expectations….oh, oh no. Peter, I’m sorry that wasn’t very thoughtful on my part. Let me try that again. I cannot explain all the ways this guy falls short of ….. oh, goddamnit! Am I alone in noticing this? [b]Final note: Ok, people have been asking me for an audio version of this. I'm going to propose this instead. Anyone who reads this and really likes it pay me back by recording yourself or someone else reading the whole thing or a part of it. Post your link in this thread so we can all appreciate your work.[/b] [b]Hear the official audio version of Just How Stupid are the Fallen here http://www.halcyoncollective.com/audio/Just-How-Stupid-are-the-Fallen.aiff [/b] [b]TSCIGAR[/b] provided this amazing [url=https://www.evernote.com/shard/s263/sh/6621c114-7e0f-43a6-9a21-e8bcf068e16c/6ce3299adeed8b27896dfff938fb69cdt]audio interpretation [/url] of the Vex essay as an AMR in Evernote. [b]crapshot120[/b] was nice enough to do two readings for us the [url=http://youtu.be/SuW6IXd6NRs]Cabal[/url] and the [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2nXgFNEzeU&feature=youtu.be]Vanguard[/url] Here are the links to my other posts in this series celebrating Destiny: [url=http://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/73500195/0/0] Just how stupid are the Cabal?[/url] [url=http://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/72863545/0/0] Just how stupid are the Vex?[/url] [url=http://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/72378627/0/0] Just how stupid are the Fallen?[/url] [url=http://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/74054287/0/0] Just how stupid are the Vanguard?[/url]