The day dawned bright and early in the City. The various vendors set uo their wares, BountyBot and Eris refreshed their timers, and all appeared to be normal. Just another Tuesday, January 13. Suddenly, a rumbling and roaring noise approached! What could it be? It was a veritable HORDE! Hundreds of thousands of angry Guardians were ransacking, looting, and utterly pillaging the Tower. Out ran the Vanguard, moving as a single unit. "stop!" they cried. "What is the meaning of this madness?" A solid wall of Guardians slowly turned to stare. Cayde-6 suddenly remembered a pressing engagement elsewhere and activated his cloaking systems. The horde of rampaging Guardians responded with innumerable shouts but they all were saying the same thing. "F*cking Bungie! Patching Crota and shit!" The Vanguard were torn to scraps and devoured by the swarms of enraged cheesers. Master Rahool looked outfrom his hiding place underneath his stall. No sooner had he opened the trapdoor a crack than he was dragged out by an army of snarling Titans and punched into a puddle on the ground. Hearing the commotion, the Exo Stranger materialized near BountyBot. A thousand howling Hunters impaled her sparking, broken body on their knives. Not even Xûr was safe, The legions of assembled Warlocks linked minds and did the impossible: he found himself summoned to the Tower on a Tuesday. The Warlocks dissolved him a molecule at a time. Their slaughter complete, the assembled Guardians stood down for a moment, the ruins of the City smoldering around them. Had their bloodlust finally been sated? Suddenly, the great white sphere The Traveler began to move, turning slowly around. The Speaker, imprisoned in his own library, began yelling incoherently about "dark truths" he "couldn't tell you." The amassed Guardians turned to face it. The great sphere slowly opened, revealing a sinlhe occupant inside. DeeJ came into the light, and spoke. "Players, we at Bungie continue to be disappointed by you. You write bad reviews, look for ways to break our game's hardest modes, and constantly complain on our forums. We're done. We're quitting and shutting Destiny down." A wave of silence settled across the horde. The Traveler went dark, and with it every light for miles. The Guardians looked at one another, unsure of what to do. In the distance a rumbling began. A wall seemed to be approaching the city rapidly. Upon closer inspection it was actually a wave. The tsunami broke upon the city, destroying all in its path. The water was...salty? Yes, indeed. The world was ending, and everyone was drowning in Guardian tears. Somewhere Harold Ryan smiled.