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originally posted in: Titan.
1/6/2015 7:56:43 PM
2
Wow Your stories just get better and better One thing, be careful not to use the same word too much. During the fourth paragraph you used "though" just a bit too quickly, one after the other. I'm no scholar of English, but that's what I noticed Otherwise it was friggin awesome!
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  • Whoops. Fixed! With a single dot. Added a semicolon there. The word repetition was intentional, simulating someone rushing through what they were saying. It was awkward to read the way it was, though. Needed something heavier than a comma to show the pause after the first one. Good eye! Thanks for the feedback! [spoiler]And if you notice anything else,[i] please[/i] let me know. [/spoiler]

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  • Your welcome and that's all I could discern from reading it. You did a good job

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