Wow
Your stories just get better and better
One thing, be careful not to use the same word too much. During the fourth paragraph you used "though" just a bit too quickly, one after the other. I'm no scholar of English, but that's what I noticed
Otherwise it was friggin awesome!
English
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Whoops. Fixed! With a single dot. Added a semicolon there. The word repetition was intentional, simulating someone rushing through what they were saying. It was awkward to read the way it was, though. Needed something heavier than a comma to show the pause after the first one. Good eye! Thanks for the feedback! [spoiler]And if you notice anything else,[i] please[/i] let me know. [/spoiler]
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Your welcome and that's all I could discern from reading it. You did a good job