*sigh* I've reached the point in my life where the sweet sweet innocence of childhood is fading away no matter how hard I try to pathetically cling on to it I no longer find joy in anything I do and the things that I can hold on to fade away [much to my despair] sooner or later I suppose it's good that I am no longer such a materialistic person but the spiritual turmoil is at times unbearable Recent events in my life should have me sad and very depressed but I find it hard to feel anything anymore I manufacture my own joys and worlds but they seem lost in the tangles of my mind I post cheap laughs and "deep insightful" shit on b.net to make myself feel better and now I am reduced to making online diaries and pretending that people care so I can feel at least a little better about my existence I know this is just a phase and I'll be over it soon but... I don't know... I don't know anything anymore I want to rise up but I defeat myself every time I try I have no feelings other than despair, hopelessness, bitterness, and sadness But I suppose those emotions are better than the artificial ones I produce to make myself feel good everyday Hell, the things I say aren't even the things I say Well since I no longer know where this is going, I'll just end it here and maybe press the post button If you managed to read as much as you did without punching your screen out by now, please feel free to call me a fgt, idiot, or any other names I deserve to be called