My fellow Americans, the time has come for us to make an important choice. Should we have fart control, which would require every man, child, and woman to shove a silencer up the place where the sun don't shine, and to get farting permits as babies. Or are you with fart rights, in which we can fart where ever, when ever, and however we want. Please, every minute you waste is 3,000,000,000 more farts blamed on animals.
Think of the children!
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I should be fart whenever I want! I will not be a victim of fart control! I control my body! Me! Not some Downy controlled government!! FART RIGHTS!!!