'Twas the night before Xur-mas, when all thro' the tower, The broom sweeping robot was cleaning, with furious broom sweeping power; The guardians were waiting, excitement in the air, In hopes that Xur would bring them sweet loots to wear; The Hunters were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of Ahamkara's spine danc'd in their heads, And Warlocks in their trenchcoat, and Titans in their marks, Were dreaming about running through purple ball filled parks, When off in the shadow there arose such a noise, We all sprang from our beds to look at Xur's toys. Away to the merchant I flew like a flash, Ready to buy exotic loots, with all my strange coins as cash. The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow, We had to buy the best gear, to prepare for The Dark Below; When, what to my wondering eyes, praise the makers!, But an exotic chest engram, and those gauntlets, Sunbreakers! With a big crowd growing, some praising RNGesus, I knew in a moment the earners would be on the forums trying to tease us. More rapid than eagles the tears they soon came, Some cursing and shouting, some wondering why they still played this game. "Now! Arcite 99-40, now! Cayde-6, now! Zavala, and Ikora Rey, "On! Lord Shaxx, on! Eva Levante, on! Speaker and Amanda Holliday; "I'll bomb this stupid tower! Burn down every wall! "I never get what I want! I'll murder you all!" As dry leaves before the wild hurricane fly, Are those birds overhead or dragons in the sky; So up to the treetops the cursewords they flew, With the earners and haters - and whiners too: And then in a twinkling, I heard on the postmaster's roof They all disappeared in a big giant poof. As I drew in my head, and was turning around, Down the chimney Deej came with a bound: He was dress'd all in fur, from his head to his toes, And his clothes were all dirty with tears, OH NOES; A bundle of complaints and suggestions was flung on his back, And he look'd like a peddler just opening his pack: His eyes - how they twinkled! his dimples how merry, His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry; His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow; The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath. He had a broad face, and a little round belly That shook when he laugh'd, like a bowl full of jelly: He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, And I laugh'd when I saw him in spite of myself; A wink of his eye and a twist of his head Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread. He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, And fill'd all the stockings; then turn'd with a jerk, And laying his finger aside of his nose And giving a nod, up the tower's tree he rose. He sprung to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, And away they all flew, like the down of a thistle: But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of view- Happy Xur-mas to all, and from Bungie, "f-ck you!"