You wake up in the woods, and you have no clue where you are. You can hear no birds in the air nor any other animals, everything is silent. You look to your left and see smoke over the hill. You start walking towards it when suddenly you fall through the ground.
Darkness...
You cant see anything until you hear a spark and it lights up, only by the crystals on the wall. With nothing left to do you venture farther into the cave until you see a lamp. It is golden has has a crest f smoke in it, However you aren't stupid and know what it is from the fairy tails your grandparents have told you about, its a genie's lamp. You rub it expecting a genie to fly out but instead a slimy slug rolls out and burps.
The slug sounds drunk and says, "Your next 3 wishes will come true, as I am your true god. And if you kiss me you get a fourth. What-da-a say pal? Oh! And you can't wish for more wishes in any way or not to kiss me."
(Answer him in the comments)
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1. Infinite Intelligence 2. Telekinesis 3. GTFO of that place 4. Bitches