The Cryptarch's questionable independent Engram decoding practice is under investigation by Tower officials after an elaborate scandal was uncovered there on Wednesday. The Speaker's response to the discovery has reaffirmed the public's opinion in the high priest's abilities and forestalled demands for his impeachment.
Before the discovery, New Monarchy had officially declared their intentions to back The Cryptarch, Master Rahool, as their candidate for the Speaker's office under the slogan "Give me your Engrams and your vote." The Faction believed that The Cryptrch's intricate knowledge of Earth's history would lead the world back into the Golden Age. The Cryptarch's short political career came to an abrupt end on Wednesday of last week when agents under the Speaker's orders seized control of the business and began a lengthy audit.
According to official reports, The Cryptarch had been giving out Uncommon gear in exchange for Rare Engrams, Rare gear in exchange for Legendary Engrams, and so on.
"It is unclear at this point just how deep this scandal went," said MoneyMan17, an agent employed by The Speaker. "We know that he was trading almost every single Engram down for gear of lesser value and pissing off thousands of customers, but we don't yet know what he was doing with the decoded weapons. We're investigating the source of ridiculously priced faction gear throughout the tower. We think he most likely cut a deal with Xûr."
Xûr, who claims to be an Agent of the Nine, sells Exotic gear that is tailor made for everyone but you.
The Cryptarch would not comment on the details of his practice, but he did say that he had the best of intentions. "I never said I would give Guardians the item in the Engrams they brought me. I mean, I offer my services to everyone for free! How am I supposed to feed the little smurfs at home with a zero dollar paycheck? Besides, getting crappy gear for Legendary Engrams makes the end-of-session decoding a lot more exciting. My personality is a complete accident due entirely to this practice."
Most guardians agree that if anything in this world has a personality it was probably an accident.
Whatever the truth is about his practice, the Speaker has resolved to oversee his business from now on.
"All Engrams will now be decoded for their corresponding gear or better," he said. "Of course, they'll probably be harder to find."
The Speaker explained that The Tower cannot take any legal action against Master Rahool because the practice was not forbidden. "People won't trust him to run The City now," he stated.
The Cryptarch is saddened by the end of his campaign, but he feels certain he can retain his personality and keep the decoding process exciting by giving out items for the wrong class.
Tune in to #towernews to get the latest from #SamboBaggins91
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Any more news from the tower?
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I have a fever and the only prescription is more news!
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More news!
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I will pay you to make more of these.
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Keep these coming man
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No more tower news!?!?! I liked these threads!!!
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Nice!
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Still a better story than destiny
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We need more news!!!! I've been waiting forever for a tower update.
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Good little read while I eat, good work
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[quote]Xûr, who claims to be an Agent of the Nine, sells Exotic gear that is tailor made for everyone but you.[/quote] [quote]Most guardians agree that if anything in this world has a personality it was probably an accident. [/quote]Well played, sir. Well played.
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Absolutely splendid!
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You are awesome <3
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The We Hate Our Cryptarch Association believes that we need to get a better reward for leveling our cryptography up. We shouldn't be getting blues from a purple package. We should recieve a legendary engram, and materials.
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your cryptarch is at it again, i turned in 12 or more rares, no legendary, I leveled up with cryptarch at level 33, postmaster sent mail, legendary engram, but cryptarch turned it all in as rares, so its not fixed like you said was in your update.
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Nice one haha!
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Edited by Rao: 10/8/2014 5:10:09 PMThe whole scam was actually a complex bitcoin scam between the Cryptarch and Xur. Players give Xur strange coins. Players get Exotics. Xur buys bitcoins from Cryptarch, Xur buys Exotics w/ bitcoins. Cryptarch gives players strange coins for engrams. Cryptarch uses engrams to pad is near endless supply of bitcoins.
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Great stuff
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One of the best post I read in the whole day. Thank you.
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I'm a fan through and through.
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i fcking knew it.
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This was just a way to expand on limited content making people work harder for what they already obtained.
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You should mention the iron banner or the queen in the next one [spoiler]I love these[/spoiler]
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Not bad, just kinda old news. You should fire your investigative journalist. They really dropped the ball on this one.