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"I'm in lesbians with you."
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"If your life had a face, Scott, I'd punch it."
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"When I'm around you, I kind of feel like I'm on drugs. Not that I do drugs. Unless you do drugs, in which case I do them all the time. All of them."
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"I should thank you though." "Why?" "For being the nicest guy I ever dated." "That's kinda sad."
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"You made me swallow my gum! That's going to be in my digestive tract for seven years!"
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"You punched me in the boob! Prepare to die, obviously!"
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"If I peed my pants would you pretend that I just got wet from the rain?"
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"You just headbutted my boyfriend so hard he burst"
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"Your BF's about to get eff'd in the b!"
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"Okay, presumeably, you may have just seen a dude's junk, and I'm very sorry for that... so is he."
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"I need to pee on her."
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"I partake not in the meat, nor the breastmilk, nor the ovum, of any creature, with a face."
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"Short answer: Vegans are just better then everyone else."
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"Kick her in the balls!"
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"I want to have his adopted babies."
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"We are Sex Bob-Omb and we are here to make you think about death and get sad and stuff!"