Just thought I would post my excellent summary here of Genesis [spoiler]Here is a summary: [b]Gen1:[/b] God creates everything that lives, the heaven, and the Earth. Made Humankind and gave them charge over Earth [b]Gen2:[/b]God forms Adam, gives him a garden. Says "Don't go touching this tree". Adam feels lonely, so he God gets him some breasts...I mean a women. [b]Gen3:[/b]Woman ruins everything, decides she wants the only thing she can't have. Knowledge is attained, groins are covered, God is mad [b]Gen4:[/b]Two STDs are contracted, named Cain and Abel. Abel is the cooler cat, offering his best. Cain gets mad, and he sweeps the leg (you know, like a Cane?). Abel is kill. [b]Gen5[/b]:<family bloodlines and stuff> [b]Gen6:[/b]The forum known as Earth was corrupted, so God brought in the [i]Flood[/i]. God wants to save the animals, so he says "I Noah guy" [b]Gen7:[/b]Rain drops keep falling on my head, they keep falling (40 days n nights) [b]Gen8:[/b]Rain begins to falter, Noah builds an altar [b]Gen9:[/b]God makes rainbows to signify no more floods, Noah gets drunk and curses Canaan (Caanan?). [b]Gen10:[/b]<who lived where> [b]Gen11:[/b]People want to get closer to god, stairway to heavan/Tower of Babylon. God seperates people and marks the start of centuries of discrimination and WW2 [b]Gen12:[/b]God told Abram "Go to the promise land, I promise" [b]Gen13:[/b]Abram seperates from Lot, Abram goes to Canaan(Caanan?) [b]Gen14:[/b]Kings war, Lot gets captured. Abram saves Lot. Abram gets a tenth of everything (Action Replay? Yes) [b]Gen15:[/b]Abram is told he will recieve lots of kids (*insert the song here*) [b]Gen16:[/b]Abram sleeps with a prostitute name Hagar or something like that. Has a kid named Ishmel. Ishmel later in life causes all sorts of problem, starting the Muslim religion and tearing families a part. [b]Gen17:[/b]God made a covenant with Abram. Abram now named Abraham. All men's whickers get whacked (don't tell Daz) [b]Gen18:[/b]Sarah is told by three visiters she will get a kid. Abraham prays for city [b]Gen19:[/b]Angels save Lot. Lot's wife is turned to salt, his city is burned to the ground, and I'm pretty sure incest happens. [b]Gen20:[/b]Abraham says Sarah is his sister, Sarah gets taken, God returns Sarah [b]Gen21:[/b]Sarah had a kid as promised; Isaac. Abraham sends Ishmael away to cause all of his problems [b]Gen22:[/b]Abraham tries to sacrific Isaac. An angel sends a ram, instead [b]Gen23:[/b]Sarah dies. Abraham buys a cave and buries her there. [b]Gen24:[/b]Isaac the bachelor is looking for a grill, he marries Rebekha. [b]Gen25:[/b]Abraham dies, Isaac+'bekha have two kids. If I remember currectly, the kid who got the birthrights only got it because he stuck his hand out first, but was "born" second. He sold his birthright to the other for some lunch. [b]Gen26:[/b]Isaac gets rich, lies about his wife, digs wells, and is blessed by Lawdy [b]Gen27:[/b]Rebekha and Jacob trick Isaac into giving Jacob his blessing. First born (Esua) gets all mad now that he doesn't get Isaac's riches, regrets the lunch he traded it for, vows revenge. Jacob goes away. [b]Gen28:[/b]Isaac sends Jacob to get married. Jacob dreams of ladders and the lord blesses him. [b]Gen29:[/b]Jacob works [u]7[/u] years to marry Rachel, gets ripped off and recieves Leah. Works [u]7[/u] more years to get Rachel. Leah is prego, uh oh. [b]Gen30:[/b]Jacob is being a slut, Rachel's maid has kid(s), then Leah's maid, the Leah. [b]Gen31:[/b]Lord tells Jacob to return home. Rachel switches to a false religion, Jacob is chased but makes a treaty [b]Gen32:[/b]Jacob hears he is to meet his brother. Afraid, he sends gifts. Wrestles with some dude, dude names him Israel. [b]Gen33:[/b]Esau forgives Jacob. Jacob builds an altar [b]Gen34:[/b]Jacob's daughter gets r@ped. All men under Jacob get ripped off (their whickers whacked ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) again, don't tell Daz) [b]Gen35:[/b]Rachel dies having Jacob/Israel's 12th son. Isaac dies. [b]Gen36:[/b]<info on Esau's family> [b]Gen37:[/b]Joseph was Israel's favorite. This is the coloured shirt story where his siblings literally sold him to slavery. [b]Gen38[/b]:Judah had kids and stuff [b]Gen39:[/b]Joseph's owner put him in charge-ish. Owner's wife starts trying to sleep with this hunky peice of meat Joseph. [u]Wife doesn't get pounded, so she lies and gets Joseph grounded[/u] [b]Gen40:[/b]People get thrown in jail, Joseph interprets their dreams [b]Gen41:[/b]Pharoh has a dream, Joseph interprets it as famine. Joseph gets put in charge of all of Egypt [b]Gen42:[/b]Jospeh's siblings show up, but don't recognize him because he all fly and stylish. Joseph sends all of but one to get Benjamin, but he kept the one in jail! [b]Gen43:[/b]Famine strikes the siblings, Joseph welcomes them. [b]Gen44:[/b]Joseph frames Benjamin, Judah takes the fall and becomes a slave. [b]Gen45:[/b]Joseph told his brother who he was and said "God sent me here" [b]Gen46:[/b]Irael and his family went to Egypt, and Joseph met them [b]Gen47:[/b]People sell all their stuff to Pharoh for food, and Joseph and co. settle down, [b]Gen48:[/b]Jacob is ill. Jacob blesses person [b]Gen49:[/b]Jacob blesses his kids. Dies. Gets buried in Abraham's cave [b]Gen50:[/b]Joseph goes to bury Jacob. Before Joseph dies, he says "I promise that we will make it to the promiseland that God promised"[/spoiler]