Greetings fellow Humans!
Recently it was made aware to me that one of our own has taken it upon himself to run for Mayor of The City. His name is FoMan, and he appears to be new to this site so he'll need all the false hope and pretend love and affection you can muster. But we all know you can't spell "Mayor" without "Race", so why don't we turn this run for mayor into what it really should be? A race! A disgusting, vile, pointless, yet violently brutal race for the prize of nothing of value. Except my beautiful slavesss- ssseerrrsweet, sweet people. Yes. You, you hideously beautiful people.
Anyways, now that I'm off to a domain start, I figured it would be wise to disclose my plans as mayor, once I finish purchasing or rigging your votes.
- First and foremost, we really need people to connect, we want to bring one another together in a more personal manner. How will I do this? For the fine price of $10.00 (Cheap by today's standards), you will be issued a IHYFF Card. This allows citizens to literally punch anyone in the face. ANYOE. Its the "I Hate Your F***ing Face" Card. Little Timmy giving you cut-eye? Not a problem! Flash your IHYFF Card, and you pummel that little rebel before he even gets a chance to stick his tongue out at you.
- Jobs for all! And when I say jobs, I actually mean you'll get assigned tasks and if you come back alive, then your payment will have been the gratification you gained from your success. Come back dead? Well, you then theoretically did not complete your job, which means you're technically in the hole, which may result in your next of kin being forced to either complete the task in your place, or since I do consider myself rather lenient with these things... Your love one MAY hand over all personal belongings that you may have owned in place of them doing your mission. Fairness for all!
- Another important gift I will bring to my people as Mayor will be large fire-breathing flying lizards. These creatures also known as Dragons will be given to each citizen in exchange for their personal belongings and or money. (*Ownership of a Dragon is non-negotiable and is mandatory). Dragons can be used for flight, combat, and companionship if it has not killed you within the first 24 hours.
So, like working? Vote for Helveck! Like sharing? Vote for Helveck! Like interacting on a personal level with your fellow humans? Vote for Helveck! Like Dragons? Vote for Helveck? Don't like Dragons? Don't want one? Can't handle one? Want to keep the threat of a giant fire breathing monster hunting you down if you don't vote for Helveck away? Vote for Helveck!
[i]This message is paid for by the Dragon Dictatorship of our Supreme Overload, his Majestic Mighty Master of all things, Dragon Master Helveck.[/i]
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Hail Helveck! *does Hitler salute*