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Destiny

Discuss all things Destiny.
originally posted in:The Black Garden
Edited by Eterteeter: 6/4/2014 7:57:52 PM
2

Fluke Episode 9: The Helpful Bunch

Fluke Episode 9: The Helpful Bunch It was a day like almost like every other. It was the kind of day where children run freely in the protected streets of the Last City and adults were able to experience the many leisure activities that different flourishing locations had to offer. Out in masses, the crowds transitioned through the markets and bazaars with minds set on nothing in particular. The ideal product was waiting to be sold by friendly venders and shopkeepers. Deep within the sea stumbled a guardian in fresh clothing. A new shipment had came in and the Warlock was proud to sport his newly tailored outfit. His main objective lied within the heart of the a marketplace near an open back alley. The Warlock happily smiled once he turned the corner and saw the familiar rundown stand. An old man occupied the setup from behind. Despite its secluded location, the shop offered a bunch of useful tools and contraptions for the peculiar shopper. A few kids lined the side of the booth, their cheery chatter put a warm smile on the old man's face. The man finally noticed the Warlock patiently leaning against the opposite building and waved, the Warlock returned the neighborly gesture. The kids noticed the guardian as well and began to swarm him, he did not push them aside nor interact too much. A friendly pat on the head, a gleeful greeting, and even an unexpected hand slap; these were the kind of things that brightened up the Warlock's mood. Once the children filed out of the alley, the Warlock approached the stand. "Alton my boy. Your timing is impeccable." the man said while flipping the sign from [i]Open[/i] to [i]On Break[/i]. "It's good to see you again, Mr. Harrison." Alton smiled. Mr. Harrison was a strange case indeed, for he served once as a guardian way back when. Even in his age, the brass veteran looked as official as ever with his trimmed grey hair and still noticeable muscles. His smile had softened over the years but the firmness of solid soldier's stare remained present. Surprisingly, giving up the military life for the dream of owning a shop nagged Alton, as Mr. Harrison was reluctant to disclose any personal information about his decision. He did, however, drop little hints every so often but they were never enough to make a confident conclusion. Alas, bright sunshiny days meant no deep thinking in their minds. "All set today?" "Of course. I'm ready to help." "Great. A new shipment of assorted sweets just came in, those darn delivery men never ask me for any asistance. I oughta go complain to the Elders themselves but I'm gettin' too old." Mr. Harrison shook his fist angrily. "If you complain to the Elders, then I'd be outta work." Alton joked. "Haha, you're right. I'm glad you could help me today Alton, I really do appreciate your help." Mr. Harrsion pulled the crates of candies around to the front of the shop; today's shipment was much larger than previous ones. But Alton couldn't complain, days like these only came every once in awhile. Down the streets came the rush of people to arrive on time for the latest demonstrations. Alton usually had a hard time maneuvering through the tight pockets, especially when given all the delivery boxes. The crates wobbled back and forth in a magnificent tower that could just as easily reach the top of the Tower. Mr. Harrison guided the Warlock while sparking up conversation about the his lovely wife or his plans regarding his accumulating wealth. Alton offered up some of his tales about space exploration with his friends and the old man would exaggerate his career as a veteran fighter. "In my day when the City was still young, I remember traveling to some of the most crazy places. My team and I were the best when it came to finding undiscovered locations. We'd fight our way through the toughest enemies with the little we brought along, mind you." Mr. Harrison pointed his finger at Alton who just smiled back. "What else did you do in your time Mr. Harrison?" "Well lets see now. My friends and I caused trouble for other guardians. In fact, this one time-" "Ahh!" Tumbling boxes fell over and crushed Alton. The weep of sudden shock caught all of the surrounding patrons off guard and their laughter kicked him down even more. Even Mr. Harrison chuckled as fond memories came to his mind. After picking himself up, Alton reranged the boxes so that they would not cause him much trouble again and began walking at a much faster pace to avoid the worsening crowds. The end was near and far once the two reached Mr. Harrison's house. Their short walk lasted for a long time because Mr. Harrison's cloudy memories persuaded him to walk off in the wrong direction. They ended up strolling into a park where onlookers watched with foolish smiles. If it wasn't for the lovely weather, the whole day would have been a lot less enjoyable. Walking up the corroding stairs, Alton carefully dropped the boxes on the porch and started unloading the grand tower one by one. Another half hour passed when the two men finished moving the crates into the house and indulged in Mrs. Harrison's Old World Pie. "Can't you stay just a little bit longer dear? There's still more pie left and we would love some company." Mrs. Harrison nicely asked. "I'm sorry Mrs. Harrison. I have other responsibilities to see to today, a guardian's job never keeps him unoccupied." Alton responded while stepping down from the porch. [i]Dinnngggg[/i] "Well I can't keep you from doing what you kids do best. For your troubles, why don't you have this pie that just finished baking." "You mean it? Thank you Mrs. Harrison." "You're welcome dear. I sure do know how much you friend Darian loves my pies." "Oh that he does." Alton commented. Mrs. Harrison disappeared into the little cream colored house for a minute and then returned with the hot crusted delight. Alton's face lit up at the sight of the Mrs' famous pie. She handed him the treat and Alton graciously accepted it. "I'll savor every bite. Thank you again Mrs. Harrison, oh and see you later Mr. Harrison." with a wave, Alton left the Harrison residence with a special package in hand. Alton sped through the streets of the City because the delicious smell of pie attracted a cult of hungry followers. Checking the time on his wrist device, the clock struck twenty till noon. He was managing good time despite being sidetracked at the Harrison's. The Tower was a sight for sore eyes and he gladly entered the entrance hall, the devoted pie lovers and carvers alike were blocked off by Titan guards at the front doors. In no time, Alton reemerged from the building empty handed. His followers had disbanded and left the scene defeated. Easier for him as his next objective lied to the west. _______________________________________ The causal stroll was a challenging one as the masses filled the restaurants and crowded street venders in search of a filling lunch. Their hands went towards the first delectable thing they could grab. Alton carefully dodged the groups of people but space was narrowing faster than a bullet to an enemy. A sudden misplaced heel extended out from one if the rowdy shops. His foot caught onto the heel and propelled him forward onto another person. A few people turned to see what had happened but all they saw was an odd scene. Alton face landed on something squishy and soft, his mind ordered his body to move correctly. His hands pushed off from the soft surface, causing something to lightly moan. He pulled his face away and position his body so that he pull himself up from his knees. Staring at him was an unfortunate beauty and her blushing expression said enough. Alton immedatly jumped once he realized who he was hovering over and what his hands accidently touched. "Oh no, no no no no no noo! I'm sorry, it's not what it seem-" a loud slap echoed in the street but the sounds of hungry citizens leveled out the sound. The two of them just stared at each other awkwardly until the woman got up. "You...Pervert!" she yelled, "How dare you advance another guardian. That's harassment I'll have you know." "Im soo sorry, I tripped but I didnt mean to do that. I-I" "You're lucky I have somewhere to be. Remember my name, its Penelope. Mark my words, you will pay dearly for this." Penelope stormed off into sea of people. Alton just stood there dumbfounded and confused, his check reddened with the print of a menacing hand on it. [i]What was that all about?[/i] He thought. He did deserve that slap since in the deepest part of his mind, the pleasure of his touch resonated in his hand. A nasty smile formed on his lips as he walked off. ______________________________________ "Ok, you're welcome. Let me know if you need anything else." "I'll shall call you when I need your assistance." [b]Continues Below[/b]

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  • minor spelling errors (but better than my rough drafts) also i dont get this line "His followers had disbanded and [i]fed the scene defeated[/i]." Other than that my only criticism is what i think is some awkward phrasing. Such as "you advance another" not really sure how to rephrase that, just dont like it "carefully dodged more" change more to many "space was narrowing " I just hate the word narrowing, I would replace it with disappearing, but that is personal "The unfortunate happened when a" just sounds awkward as an introduction, Would replace it with just unfortunately, or inevitably. "He tackled the assailant down to the ground and held them" Tackled down sounds awkward to me, would take out down. Also he is only holding one person so it should be singular, but them is plural. "rich business man's" 's isnt needed (im sorry but plurality bugs me.) But yeah, those are the only errors i see. The plot is humorous, and i appreciate your uses of exceptionally descriptive words to enhance the story.

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