So the other night I was watching Cosmos and eating my favorite "only-banana" sundae when my friend Theodore called and told me that him and the entire local Brony club were protesting the local Chick-Fil-A institution for their crimes against humanity. Immediately, I grabbed my fedora and trench coat and ran out the door. Due to my dependency on government entitlements, I didn't have the fuel-efficient, non environment-polluting Prius I always dreamed about, or any car for that matter. On my way there, I stumbled upon two gentlemen of color heading my way. There had been reports of multiple muggings from "black male suspects", but I ignored those racist and gender-conformist thoughts and decided to keep on going. As I approached them, the fine gentleman to the left pulled out what appeared to be a very sharp blade. He approached me and uttered the words, "give me your money, you -blam!-ing cracker ass bitch." I recalled the self-defense classes that my single mother sent me to with the little money she had after her boyfriend Tyrone's allowance; however, I remembered that these innocent black gentlemen have been oppressed by white males such as myself since the day they were given birth from their own oppressed parents. I immediately handed the gentlemen all of my funds. Upon asking them if they would like access to my iTunes account for instant playback of Linkin Park and many jazz singles for further reimbursement for my oppressive heritage, the gentleman to my right prominently kicked me in my testicles, sending me down to the ground instantly. I haven't felt such odd pain since I allowed my Tumblr ex-girlfriend to peg me. They continued to kick me for around fifteen seconds until they ran away. Finally, I arrived at Chick Fil A to find my pals protesting. The establishment was closed with no one else but us near the property, but we felt we were still contributing to a progressive cause. As we made our way home to catch the Daily Show with who I can safely say is all of our idols, Jon Stewart, we saw that the movie "Noah" was playing, and knew that we would be able to catch the repeat of the Daily Show during the afternoon since none of us had jobs anyway. My bisexual friend offered to pay for my ticket with a simple "favor", but I declined politely and headed home. The next morning, my friends were all on Skype discussing how horrible Noah was, and how Christian propaganda is still strong in today's society. They even told me how they all got up at the end of the movie, ran quickly to the screen, and shouted in unison "NONE OF THIS EVER HAPPENED, GOD DOESN'T EXIST", which made me very proud to be an Atheist. [spoiler]Okay, you guys go.[/spoiler]