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originally posted in:Writers Corner
Edited by LINK52B (Reprise): 11/24/2013 6:10:01 AM
4

Looking for opinions on this story!

So, I had a small amount of creative inspiration after playing a couple of closely themed video games, and this short story was born in my brain! It's not really a short story, it's more of the begging of it. Think of it as an appetizer if you will! There's no point in reading if you don't enjoy it, and most people decide if they want to read something on the first couple paragraphs. SO! I made this, a small introduction to the setting, the lore, and the two main characters. I'm an amateur writer at best, but I just wanted to see what people thought of this, how many people are interested. IF I get mostly positive reviews, I may pursue this idea further!

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  • Not bad. Slick and evocative description. I'm not a fan of present-tense narration, though. At least, not when the narration is so passive, but I guess you had the contrast with the opening paragraph.

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