Well, I just recently met this guy at school. I had been stalking him for months and whatnot because I'm creepy like that. Everyone in my family thought he was the coolest -blam!-ing thing we've seen. Well, this kid ends up noticing (because it's hard not to see someone who's always watching you) and he thinks I'm -blam!-ing adorable. He starts trying to hang out with me and see me and stuff. Well my dad said I wasn't allowed to see him (disney bullshit). One day while he was out of town, I convinced my mom to let me out of the house. I didn't tell her where I was going, but the plan was to go with my friend and see this guy at the mall. Well things got awkward as shit when we did hang out, like I was bat shit crazy about this kid and had no idea of what to do. What he ended up doing was taking me o the food court and kissed me by the merry go round. This -blam!-ing rocked my teenage heart like a hurricane. But -blam!- him in the ass with a dragon dick now, that bitch is cray cray

>17 years old >Never had a girlfriend >Never kissed a girl >Never been alone with a girl >Never been invited to a girl's house to do stuff >Never had a deep conversation with a girl >Never been told "I like you" by a girl >Sees couples at schools. Feels are felt. >Every girl that I like ends up going with other guys. I think I'll just live alone for the rest of my life. I mean, more money for myself and no complaining for a woman... right? [spoiler]It is too late for me.[/spoiler]

I would, but no one reads these threads anyway. Hell, I didn't even read the OP.

I was 12. She kissed like a robot. It was awful in retrospect.

My first kiss happened when I was dating a cute girl in high school by the name of Kelly. Kelly had nice black hair, beautiful brown eyes like a dear, and smooth lips and a nice face. So we did stuff. I took her to a football game. She was a big sports fan. You would never know it if you saw her, but she was. So we had fun watching the game. Afterwards I drove her to my house and she said to me "That was fun! Hey, do you want to kiss?" I was nervous. I had never kissed a girl before. I could feel myself blushing hotly and I stuttered "uhuh-huhuh s-sure".Her parents weren't home, so why not? So we kissed. I felt her tongue slide inside my mouth but it did not feel right. It felt like tentacles. I flinched and pulled back off of her face. I saw it for a second, but she had a split tongue. It freaked me out and I shouted. My shout caused her to scream and tumble back into her front door. When she hit the door, the porch lamp above it fell off and crashed on her head. It all happened so fast! The hot lightbulb crushed on her hair and set it on fire! She lit up like a christmas tree! She ran ran around screaming bloody murder! I could smell the awful stench of burning hair. I panicked, not knowing what to do. But then I remembered that you should drop and roll when you are on fire. So I grabbed her, threw her on the ground and rolled her all over the place, trying to snuff out the flames. Unfortunately, I was rolling her on her driveway, which happened to have a lot of spilled oil. This oil, which lead to the garage, caught on fire. It was all too much! Before I knew it, her garage caught on fire! I was so screwed! Fortunately, the fire alarm went off and a firetruck showed up! Now Kelly's house wasn't going to burn! I watched in amazement as the fire crew unwound the hose and quickly attached it to the truck (there weren't any fire hydrants nearby)Then something terrible happened...when they sprayed the fire, it lit up and exploded! Then a trail of fire followed the jet of "water". I heard swearing and somebody shouting "STOP THE PUMP! YOU ATTACHED IT TO THE WRONG TANK!" They had attached the hose pump to the gasoline tank! Now the whole house was on fire and so was the firetruck! I heard one of them shout "RUN AWAY! IT IS GOING TO BLOW!!!"! Then a huge explosion lit up. I felt a wave of heat and a shock wave knocked me over. When I regained consciousness, I realized that the firemen were dead. They had been too close to the explosion. I went over to Kelly and too was dead. Her body was burnt to a crisp. I cried and shouted, pounding my fists into the ground. How could this have happened? Why did it happen? I heard her parents pull into the driveway. I turned around to face the car, my eyes flowing with tears. Her mother and father jumped out of the car and ran over, shouting and screaming "WTH DID YOU DO?!? WHERE IS MY DAUGHTER?!?" I made a slight motion toward her dead body. Immediately her mother screamed and ran over to Kelly's corpse. In a desperate attempt to wake Kelly up, her mother shook her body, insisting that she is just sleeping. Her father ran over to Kelly too. Yelling at her body, tell her to wake up. Eventually, her mother shook her crisp body so hard that Kelly's arm broke off. It was a tragic day. I explained my story to the police and they did not have sufficient evidence to convict me. Her parents hated me and I was not allowed to attend to the funeral. I attended anyway in secret as I watched her burial from a distance. As the paul bearers carried her casket to the gave, one of them tripped and cause the others to drop the coffin, spilling Kelly's dead burnt corpse right in front of the audience, drawing screams from everybody. Her mother had a heart attack and died.

I'd say mine but it'd be as fantasy as Harry Potter.

First grade. We found some juniper "leaves" and pretended they were mistletoe. We later found out that one of the guards saw "some people" do that, and if they found out who they were those two people would get referrals (that grade-school sexual harassment bullshit was around back then too). We quickly agreed to keep it a secret. Probably why I have a fetish for secret relationships today.

You have been visited by the Costanza of sorrow! Post this in 2 other threads or Vandelay industries will fail! ▒▒▒░▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒░▒▒▒░▒▒▒░▒ ▒░▒▒▒▒▒▄▄▀░░░░░▀▄▄▒▒▒▒░▒▒▒░▒▒▒ ▒▒▒░▒███▀▀▀▀███████▄▒▒▒▒░▒▒▒░▒ ▒░▒███▀░░░░░▐███████▌▒░▒▒▒░▒▒▒ ▒▒██▌░░░░░░░░▀███████▌▒▒░▒▒▒░▒ ▒▐██░░░░░░░░░░░▀██████▒▒▒▒░▒▒▒ ▒▐█▌░░░░░░░░░░░░▀████▌▒▒░▒▒▒░▒ ▒▒█░░░░░░░░░░░░░░▀██▀░░▒▒▒░▒▒▒ ▒░█░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░▀█░░░▒░▒▒▒░▒ ▒▒▐░░░░░░░▀▄▄▄▀░▄▀░█░░░▒▒▒░▒▒▒ ▒░▒░▄█▀▄░▄▀░█░▀▌░░░▀░░░▒░▒▒▒░▒ ▒▒▒▐░▀░░▌░▌░░░░▐░░░░░░░▀▄▒▒▒▒▒ ▒░▒▐░░░▐░▒░▀▄▄▄▀░░░░░░▐▒▒▀▀▄▄▒ ▒▒▒▒▀▀▀░▒░░░░░▒░░░░░░░▐▒▒▒▒▒▒▀ ▒░▒▒▒░░░░▒▒░░▄▄▒░░░░░▐▒▒░▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒░▒▒░░▀▄▄▀▀░░▒░░░░▐▒▒░▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒░▒▒▒▄▀▄░░░░░░░░░░░▄▒▒░▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ▒▒▒▄▀▒▒▒▀░░░░░░░░▄▀▒▒░▒▒▒▒▒░▒▒ ▒▄▀▒▒▒▒▒▒▀▒▄░░░▄▀▒▒▒░▒▒▒▒▒░▒▒▒ ▀▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▄▄█████▄▒▒░▒▒▒▒▒░▒▒▒▒

16, at a party. Drunk. Talking to this 6/10 sloot, clumsily make out with her. Then she takes my mate upstairs and -blam!- him. Afterwards she comes downstairs and asks me to go for a walk with her with obvious intentions. No thanks jeff, one thing I'll never do is stir a mate's porridge. First meaningful kiss came just short of a few years later. Met a girl, got her number. We met up in a club later on, danced with each other. Then I made out with her, she came back to mine, we had sex. Dated for a few weeks after that and I liked her but it wasn't working out (should have realised it wouldn't when we had sex first night of meeting), she was using me as a rebound to get over her ex. We broke up. Now at 18 I'm in my first proper relationship now of 2 months as of yesterday. Can't imagine kissing any other girl now, I'm falling for her hard.