Just browsing my morning Onion articles, this one is a 10/10 XD [quote]“From New York City to London, Madrid, and Paris, we will not cease until every major metropolis is left in a state of total nirvana,” said Rinpoche, brandishing a pink lotus flower before claiming that Kammaṭṭhāna will seize any opportunity to aggressively instill a deep-seated sense of oneness in all Westerners. “We offered the unenlightened governments of America and Europe a chance to embrace the Eightfold Path, but you have refused. Now, we have no choice but to impose a peaceful spiritual reawakening upon you.”[/quote] [spoiler][quote]At press time, sources confirmed that President Obama has authorized a preemptive strike on Kammaṭṭhāna and deployed a fleet of predator drones to bomb Tibet.[/quote][/spoiler]