Ok, first off, the constructive criticism. I have three things. 1) The character of Lily bothers me somewhat. I would imagine that she would have become a little more hardened after living in the wild with Stark. I can understand why you would want to keep that lightheartedness to contrast with Stark's more lonely warrior attitude, but she should at least have picked up a few fighting skills. 2) Redundancy. Often times you repeat words in a sentence or in a paragraph. This is a very simple thing to fix that makes for a much smoother read. You have been getting better since chapter one but there is still room for improvement here. 3) Monographs. "Monographs" are what I call really really long paragraphs. Breaking things up into smaller paragraphs makes for a better read. They tend to be more focused. Also, each time a new person speaks, it should be a new paragraph. I've also noticed improvements from chapter one, but still room for improvement here as well. One thing that really stands out to me in your story is your imagery. You are very skilled at describing the setting and really bringing me into the story. So keep that up. Now for the short story. As my modified starship dropped out of slipspace high above the Last City with a large boom, a female voice came in through my ship's comm system ."Unmarked vessel, please identify. You are entering a restricted air zone." "This is Guardian 47, requesting permission to land, Air Control." I said into the mic in my helmet. "Warlock Sindri identified. You are cleared for landing, Guardian. Welcome back." the woman responded. I flew my ship into one of the many hangars in the Last City. I grimaced as I noticed one of the many spoiled children from the City customizing a new, expensive model of the starship I flew. No doubt he had begged his rich parents to buy it for him, because he had no clue what he was doing. I walked over. "You know kid, you're currently wiring the power for the thrusters into the navigation system, right? Even if you manage to get off the ground with that set up, you drop out of the air before you get too far." He didn't even bother turning around before he spoke. "Whatever mister, I'm a professional. You're the idiot here." "Oh, sorry buddy. I didn't know that parents could just buy their kids "Professional Pilot Licenses" nowadays." I retorted. He whirled around, swinging a fist as he did. I caught it easily, and shook my head. The kid couldn't even throw a punch. The nametag on his suit said Mercer. He gasped as he saw my face, however, reminding me I had forgotten to keep my helmet on. I was well known in this city, due to my intense purple eyes and the history behind them. Suppressed memories of my past came to the surface and I lapsed into a flashback. It had been a clear day the Fallen had invaded my settlement, one of the few days of clear weather we got in the village. The men of the town had formed a line to defend the city, my father among them. At the age of 15, I had thought myself ready to fight, and against the wishes of my father I joined the line. The first strike took out the majority of our fighters. A Devil Walker had been deployed behind our lines and fired a single shot directly into our ammo stores, with explosive effect. I had been thrown to the ground, and most of our men were dead. The small pistol that I had been clutching had flown from my grasp and been crushed underneath one of the Devil Walker's feet. I quickly glanced around to see what I could do and saw my father on the ground with the other dead men. I ran over to him and he spoke weakly to me. "Sindri, there is no one left to defend us but you. Take my gun, and make us proud." A single tear had rolled down my cheek as I took the gun from his dead hands. Then, as I had turned to face the onslaught of space pirates, the gun jammed. The Fallen began destroying buildings, grabbing the women and children from inside. As I saw my mother and sister thrown into the street, a rage overtook me. I became somewhat aware of a purple aura surrounding me, which began to coalesce around my clenched fists. I dashed at the nearest Fallen, and an explosion erupted from where I hit it. I ducked among the rest of the Fallen, grabbing and hitting them with this new magic. At last all the Fallen lay dead and smoking before me, except for the Devil Walker. I ran behind it and threw my hands at it, and the magic came off like a ball and flew towards the Walker, which exploded. After that I had collapsed onto the ground, and when I had woken up again, my eyes were not the usual blue, but purple. I had taken the first transport to the City after that attack. I was snapped back to reality by Mercer. "Sir, please let go!" he whined. I realized had been holding his fist ever since I caught it from the first punch he threw. I released his hand and took a step back, then I put my helmet back on. I didn't want to run into any more people who recognized me today. "You'd do well to follow my advice, kid. That starship needs fixing." I turned and headed home to drop off my gear. Alright, that turned out pretty well.

Umm you should give me the code because my friend wants to play it with me.

[quote]1. Follow Me[/quote] Instant loss of respect. Followers mean nothing.

DHG sucks.

Ok, here's my short story, (It's pretty short) and I'll post a criticism on the Chapter 1 you listed above : “Al’tan! We’re topside in five! It was a trap!” Logan transmitted. No answer. They sprinted back through the ancient corridors, pursued by guttural howls and the heavy clank of Cabal weaponry. Logan felt a wave of goosebumps, and cried, “Mareck! Not in here!” Mareck laughed as she pushed a bubbling ball of energy behind them, it exploded. Logan grabbed the warlock and increased his shield buffer. The blast shot them back out into the plaza. The building collapsed in a shriek of twisted metal. Red dust billowed. Mareck stopped laughing. A dozen Legionnaires with their shields and a Centurion formed a semicircle around them. The massive Centurion held a writhing Al’tan in his fist. Logan hardly thought. He tapped his Link and energy coursed through him. He leapt into the air, muscles assisted by the Traveler. He landed with a fist to the ground and pushed. The ground shuddered and the shockwave cast the Legionnaires into the air. Logan brought Cheap-Thrills to his shoulder and fired a burst into the Centurion’s head. Before the beast hit the ground, Logan downed two others. Mareck shot arcane bolts over Logan’s shoulder and Cabal died. “Logan!” Mareck cried. The last Legionnaire bashed his shield into Logan’s side. Dazed, Logan looked up as the hulking thing planted a boot on his chest. It held the muzzle of his weapon against Logan’s visor. It looked at Mareck challengingly. Then a crack echoed through the plaza; Logan embraced death. Then, he opened his eyes. The Cabal was falling, and headless. Al’tan stood, cradling a smoking Cabal weapon. “Let’s not do that aga…“ Logan trailed off. The ground still shuddered. Suddenly, a chasm opened behind them, revealing a stairway into the darkness. Mareck glanced at Logan, laughed, and ran down the stairs. Logan sighed, and followed.

[quote]1. Follow Me[/quote] Holy desperation Batman.

Wow, this is desperate.

Chapter three link leads to one.