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This thread is inspired by another: view original post
9/20/2013 1:24:35 AM
39
My son is going to be the healthiest person ever
When I have a son, he's going to be circumcised for his own convenience, and because of the health benefits offered by it.
But why should I stop there?
He's also going to have his appendix removed at birth so he doesn't get appendicitis later in life. He'll have his breasts removed so he won't get breast cancer--and he's a male, so he doesn't need those anyway. He'll get his tonsils removed just in case, too, even though no one I've ever heard of has ever needed their tonsils taken out.
He'll also have his hair removed, too. Hair is such a hassle to manage--you have to clean it every day, and you even have to use a different kind of soap for it. It's purely aesthetic, and having it means you run the risk of getting lice. So my son is going to have all of his hair surgically removed, and he'll be better off for it. Everyone loves a bald guy--just look at Patrick Stewart!
Other preventative measures I could decide for him include the removal of his skin so he doesn't get skin cancer, and removal of his bones so he doesn't get bone cancer. Also, I could remove his ears so he doesn't get ear infections.
I can't be too careful, after all. What if he can't take care of himself the right way, and something bad happens to him because of it? It's so much work to care of your body, so much to remember, such a hassle. He'll thank me for this stuff when he's old enough to understand.
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1 ReplyThis has been done before. You're not original.
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HAAHAHAAAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAHAAHAHAAHAHHAAHHAHAHHA
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1 ReplyTopkek
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As soon as I read that bit about patrick steward I lost it. XD
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[quote]When I have a son[/quote]Ooooh you've gone and jinxed it now OP.
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How about you just turn him into an artificial intelligence, or find a Composer. Make him one of [IMAGE]?
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2 RepliesHmmm... Remove his stomach so he doesn't get stomach aches, his lungs so he won't cough, his blood so he won't have (insert disease name) [spoiler]I'm lazy. :p[/spoiler]
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5 Repliesharvest his Organs and put it in a Vex body, he'll be immortal, Guaranteed!* *disclaimer; unless he gets blown up and we can't find his parts.
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3 RepliesIm non jewish and circumcised it's dope tbh
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Then he will turn on you.
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1 ReplyJust turn him into a Necron already
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Take his brain out so he doesn't get a concussion
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That escalated quickly.
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1 ReplyI think you should remove his lungs so he can't choke on food!
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2 RepliesNow a way that's not torture! Let them be! If they get obese than you torture them
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OP...
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1 ReplyDon't forget injecting his developing immune system with countless vaccines :P
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1 ReplyYou could remove teeth so no hassle with cavities then his adult teeth will come in when he understands hygiene.
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5 RepliesDon't forget to take out his heart so he can't have heart attacks
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[quote]even though no one I've ever heard of has ever needed their tonsils taken out[/quote]Do you not know anyone above the age of 30?
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3 RepliesI doubt you'll ever have a son. A woman doesn't want to touch that nasty unclean weird ass penis you have
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6 RepliesWhy don't you just have yourself sterilized and save your son trouble of even being born, since life is so difficult and full of dangers. This would also do the rest of us a favor as well. - Der
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Don't forget his eyes so he can't go blind.
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1 ReplyYou didn't even seem to consider making sure he'd never have to worry about wisdom teeth.
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1 Reply7/10 You went too far with the funny.
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1 Reply0.5/10
