ITT: I hit a religious funDIE today... wow, I feel euphoric. I guess I'm gonna sit back and drink my Mountain Dew and tell you guys about what happened. I was winning a debate, and then she tried to use some really fail logic. She made a comment along the lines of, "ur dad was a hamster". When I was around 11, my parents tried to tell me that gOD was real and I fought them about it. My dad wanted me to be an atheist because he genuinely loved me. My mom wanted me to be a reLIEgious funDIE. She ended up winning, but I always pretended to be a fundie over the decades. This was too far for me. I had never, EVER, had the bravery to hit a girl before, but it happened so fast, I wondered if I was Mike Tyson. Basically, I cocked my fist back, prayed to the Holy Sagan and the Trinity of the Holy Sci[ent]ists (Neil SmokeThatGrasse Tyson, Bill Nye, and Richard Dawkins), and then guided my fist straight to her nose. I thought it would be like the movies, where she would immediately apologize for being wrong. But instead, her entire face exploded like a Michael Bay movie. Like, her brains were everywhere. I think I must have accidentally injected too many Mountain Dews the previous night. She fell to the ground and almost landed on my Doritos Locos Taco, but before she could stain them with her funDIE blood, I swiped them off the table. I was stunned for about 10 seconds before realizing that I had just won a debate with a funDIE. I went to wash my hands, and while I was in the bathroom, Neil deGrasse Tyson appeared in my mirror and told me, "Good job, son, thanks for killing that anti-science religious bigot." And in that moment, I felt euphoric. Not because of any phony gOD's blessing. But because I just killed an unenlightened funDIE.