The story itself is in the pastebin above. It would be appreciated if you could give me any advice.
Please, don't put in your opinion if you did not read it in its entirety.
Danke.
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Edited by Jive Turkey: 6/13/2013 12:34:58 AMI'll read it brah u seem like a hard working fellow swear on my life if something pops out I will hunt u down