This thread is inspired by another: view original post
I did the math, Bungie. I was born in 1991. You've satisfied my mother in 1991. But you haven't given us any financial support in the slightest. I never learned to catch balls, throw hoops, and change those liquid things in cars because you weren't there; you left us and went West. All I've had of you were stories of your quest for world domination and sadistic rituals inlcuding keeping a dog head in the fridge. Yes, I've been told you were a crazy one, but um...well, you were a crazy one.
Despite that, I've tracked you down. And now that I have your attention for once, Daddy (if I can call you Daddy? Pa, perhaps?), I only ask one thing for compensation; a beta key. It won't make up for the past 20+ years, but it may help ease our relationship for the next 10.
Don't abandon me again, father. I looked into the eyes of your beheaded dog (I may have picked up some crazy from you and snuck in) and I have seen the future; it's our destiny to [something witty.]
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I can confirm that Bungie has in fact provided Your Mom with financial compensation for years.
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#SYMSNNO
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How else did you receive your halo titles ;)
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I could be your daddy(johnson's voice)
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What month were you born in? Unless it was at the tail end of '91, Bungie would have to had relations with your mother in '90, which means you wouldn't be theirs, because it's stated that they pleased her in '91.
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Relevant
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The Dog beating your Pa over the fence is why the dog's head is in a jar. Can get child support from someone that is dead. Like I said earlier, sorry you had to find out this way. It is nobody but your mom's fault.
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Bungie would have been your daddy, but the dog beat them over the fence.
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but dat emotional support..
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Daddy wasn't there. ;(
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She Told My Baby We'd Danced 'Till Three Then She Looked At Me She Showed A Photo Of A Baby Crying His Eyes Looked Like Mine Go On Dance On The Floor In The Round, Baby People Always Told Me Be Careful Of What You Do And Don't Go Around Breaking Young Girls' Hearts She Came And Stood Right By Me Then The Smell Of Sweet Perfume This Happened Much Too Soon She Called Me To Her Room