I tried to write their alternative "love" story from this point on
Personally I thought it was hilarious but obviously I cannot post it all here.
It basically started with a dejected Saint cheating on Osiris with Failsafe, a vending machine AND a microwave in one amazing night of machine oiled fulled lust, and it kinda went downhill fast from there. Not going to lie, it got pretty weird. Ended up with Failsafe being put on a USB Stick and Osiris firing her into the sun. Who hasn't wanted to do that right ?? .. Saint is so distraught he actually kicks a pigeon and is prosecuted for animal cruelty. Tess then sells the dead Pigeon as a "colllectible" in Eververse and then markets a Pigeon Kick emote. Shortly after Saint, by now a recovering -blam!- addict with a penchant for household appliances and who is tiring of being harrased by the colonel and Hawthorne's falcon for his history of avian abuse, then decides to go to Venus to set up a clinic for newly bisexual Exo's. Osiris stays in the Tower and is often seen wandering around blind drunk as he makes a pass at anything robotic. He is banished for his own safety by Ikora after Drifter discovers him getting freaky with Sweeperbot, Archie and Ada 1. Tess markets the video as "Four Freaks, One Cup" and makes billions. She buys Europa and retires to a life as a Ski Instructor.
The bit where Saint tries to cheer Osiris up by dressing up as Sagira, and demanding he calls him "Saintgira", is both hilarious and very, very wrong.
I gave up when I got to the bit where a heartbroken Saint wanders Venus wondering what life can offer him now .. but then he meets the very adventerous and open minded Vex Hydra and her two Minotaur friends.
Yeah, that's too far.
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