Exotic name - Dyrnwyn's Ferocity
600 rpm primary auto rifle
Exotic perk - Blaze
Getting a precision kill with the bottom-half of the magazine while a solar subclass is equipped on a Wednesday between the hours of 11AM and 3PM in any month ending with the letter "Y" while it's sunny outside, grants a 3% damage increase for 5 seconds.
Getting a kill while this damage increase is active while you are crouching and have full super and ability energy, grants you increased reload speed. Reloading after getting a kill while both these buffs are active give your bullets the ability to scorch targets.
Getting a kill with the scorched bullets while both aformentioned buffs are active grant 100% increase to all character stats for 30 seconds.
During these 30 seconds, Solar flares will randomly fall from the sky. Getting a kill with these solar flares increases the duration of the Solar flares with diminishing returns. Emoting during this time also spawns one orb of power, collecting this orb of power gives the player max heavy ammo, but only on Thursdays after midnight if the temperature outside is between 70 to 50 degrees Fahrenheit, (21-10 Celsius)
Getting a kill with this heavy ammo while all previously mentioned buffs are active, has a 10% chance to spawn a friendly Fallen Shank that attacks other enemies. Any kills the Shank gets restore ability and super energy and increase handling and stability for all weapons. More than one Shank may be active at a time.
If the Friendly Fallen Shank gets a multi-kill, all weapons will be reloaded from reserves. Bonus ammo will be granted if you are using this exotic during Spring or if you are wearing a Shader with the color Red or Blue on a Monday anytime during AM hours if its cloudy or raining outside.
Different bonuses will be granted depending on the Class you are playing:
Titan - +0.8 Strength + A free coupon for 10% off all purchases on the Bungie store
Hunter - +3 Mobility + A free copy of Terminator 2 (just pay Shipping & Handling)
Warlock - Infinite Health on Sundays for 3 minutes after equipping this weapon (Does not refresh until the first Sunday of the following month)
Catalyst - Allows main perk "Blaze" to be used during any month of the year. Getting a melee kill spawns 8 Friendly Wyverns, if a Wyvern gets a kill it gives all weapons infinite damage for 8 seconds. If a Wyvern kills a Guardian in Crucible it automatically and instantly uninstalls their game. Only works during Summer, between 5:00 and 5:21 PM.
This Catalyst also grants the weapon to instantly kill anything on screen after reloading after a precision kill. Works on any day ending in "Y" except Saturday.
So what do y'all think of this Exotic? Not too situational tbh. I think it could work.
Best wishes,
- The Patroller
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This is friggin hilarious I love posts like these