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Edited by Girraffalope:
8/9/2023 6:25:19 AM
17
Drunk in Texas
Dear Texans,
This is a bad place. Of all places to place yourselves, this place is the wrong place. The grass is dirt, the trucks are projections of insecurity, the people are impressively rotund. I’ve spent the week purging the backyard pool of cicadas the size of 40 watt B type light bulbs, and pounding electrolytes so I don’t shrivel up and die under the apocalyptic sun. I’m not adverse to heat. I’d actually rather sweat pools than endure another high north winter, but there’s nothing in Texas worth enduring. Nothing but dirt, highways, and the odd greasy burger joint.
Seeing the cousins is always a good time, even when a cicadas flies inside your guitar, and some lady with big hair screams at you for smoking young. I liked walking under the big sky, even if you couldn’t see stars thanks to the neon tragedy that is the greater Irving area.
I’m sitting on the floor between the couch and the glass door. My brother brought me water and a slice of Costco cheesecake. Texas sucks big time. You should listen to Rogér Fakhr
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The hunting is excellent though…that’s good enough for me
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27 RepliesAlcohol truly does have the worst takes
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What i wouldnt give for a slice of costco cheesecake...
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Yeehaw mother f*cker. You're in the land of slight racism/-blam!- and mediocre BBQ. Get ready to see a bunch of obese cowboys and cowgirls plus lots of obnoxious people in their dadgum pick-up trucks! In all seriousness though, I hope you've had a nice visit so far.
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1 ReplyFr though, Costco stuff is the good stuff
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24 RepliesSad. I’m from SE Texas and I assure you it’s greener than green with the tallest pine trees you’ve ever seen and rolling hills. Sorry you’re in the shitty part of Texas which is everywhere else.
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8 RepliesEdited by Dredgen Wolf: 8/9/2023 5:22:31 PM[b]Everythings bigger in Texas[/b] This includes their rotund Men and Women, the oversized trucks to compensate for very small...things, and of course the big egos thinking that the place they call home is some kinda freedom sanctuary because they get to play cowboy dressup and walk around with real loaded revolvers. Texas is just the midway between two terrible places to live, a burning desert on one side, and the swampy sou-outh on the other, yes that was one word stretched into two cause Texas. The only decent things there: is the BBQ which is probably overpriced and overrated, chased by a beer that was brewed from the East Coast (Yuengling is the best). I have come to the conclusion that the only reason for the cowboy hats and boots outside of a ranch or farm must be all the people lining up for a statewide re-shoot of Brokeback Mountain, which is fine because they like that sorta stuff there in Texas, its only Steers and.......
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Edited by Ion, Disciple of Melvin: 8/10/2023 2:20:06 PMCicada wanted to escape the sun
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20 RepliesIt gets pretty humid down here, but trust me, of all the places in the US, Texas is nice to live in. We have incredibly low Income Tax (but high property tax) and the least amount of restrictions and regulations on life and livelihood. If you pick a more northern place to live than Houston the heat is beatable though. [spoiler]The rumor about the people being generally nicer is true as well.[/spoiler]
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Texas does suck, they can’t drive and the BBQ is terrible.
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...and that's why I like to visit and would hate to live there.
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4 RepliesMeh, Texas is ok.
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2 RepliesI’m more of a Sam’s club guy, but you do you.
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I feel like you’d make an interesting travel writer. This is a great snapshot!
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1 Replybut we have mike jones
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5 RepliesBut who doesnt want to hear wryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy All summer long. I heard the barbecue is good, but thats all I've heard is good.
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2 RepliesIt’s just struck me that your posts read like some less -blam!--crazed Jack Kerouac -blam!-. That’s neither intended as praise nor insult. I will try my best never to go to Texas.
