I'm not sure how to approach this but since I know no one personally that actually plays Destiny, I have no one to speak to. Therefore I need to confess the change of feelings I have had around Destiny for the last few years with the hope that possibly a reader may understand and offer some advice. To preface, I should establish some context. I'm 22, autistic, a first year graduate student and suffer from severe anxiety and while I haven't been diagnosed, most likely from depression as well. I've been fascinated with Destiny since its official announcement at the February 2013 PlayStation conference where various upcoming PS4 games were revealed. I do play other games and regulaly buy games just to get all the achievements, though. Regardless, I played the D1 apha, beta and logged 3,000+ hours on D1 along with platinuming it well before low manning Crota's End was a viable approach for Flawless Raider. In D2, I got the platinum in 2 weeks, am easily in the top 500 for triumph score, being less than 200 points off the maximum number (notwithstanding those of this season), I've flawlessed nearly every raid from Leviathan to Vow, only missing Eater. And I have easily clocked 6,000+ hours on the same level of pace I was at when I was 14. I've also averaged a 2 K/D (NOT KD/A) throughout the series' history. I could go on but I really don't want to come off as bragging. I simply want to express my dedication to this franchise and why I feel the way I do. If I am coming across that way, I do apologize. Anyway, I have pretty much lost the wonder and absolute amazement I used to have early on in both titles. It was especially strong before D1, lowered but still persisted throughout D1 and well into D2. I think since the second or third year of D2. While I am admittedly still fascinated and utterly committed to the story aspect and the lore since we're reaching the end as we know it, everything else has lost its spark. It doesn't even feel like anything Bungie or my clan or friends have done wrong. Things are socially and materially and in terms of the PvE portion of the game, better than ever. However I don't get the excitement or the intense sense of wonder with much of the game anymore. If I struggle too much with an activity, it causes panic attacks to a much higher degree than before. I feel borderline depressed when I miss out on triumphs or even more recently, day 1 raid completions. PvP is nowhere near as fun and fair (in highly relative terms anyway) as it was in vanilla D2 and D1. Anything short of perfection has me on edge and unable to actually enjoy the game like it used to. I don't get the rush either when I do something I would have gotten excited for in years past, like discovering new areas, getting flawless in Trials, completing a raid for the first time or completing difficult triumphs. Things that used to be fun to chase for fun while being comfortable as a player are now the bare minimum level of talant I can mentally tolerate and anything less moderately impacts my mental health. I wish I could feel the sense of awe, destiny (pun not intended) and pure fun that I felt the most as a 14-16 year old and that I still had until a bit before Covid. I miss it. I really do love Destiny and it's helped me grow significantly as a person, socially, psychologically and even intellectually; all areas where to some degree or another, I have always struggled but struggle considerably less now than ever before. Before having to learn how to do plates in King's Fall during Daughters and Oryx, I could not tell left from right. My social skills were much worse and I was much ruder and toxic than I am now. Likewise, I am too committed to the lore and sense of community and duty to give it up. And yet I don't see how I can rediscover those emotions without taking a break or even vacation that could last months or years. Meanwhile, Destiny is by no means the only positive influence on my life. I have supporting parents, financial stability, an amazing girlfriend that I will almost certainly marry and a promising eductional and career path in me studying for a Master's in public administration and interest in being a policy analyst for the government. I'm not at rock bottom like I was in years prior. I certainly struggle very much mentally but I now have hope. So walking away from Destiny to varying extents wouldn't be akin to ditching my entire life (just a significant minority inmy life). In search of what to do, any input, advice or discussion is welcomed. I probably sound crazy and arrogant but truly I am curious towards external perspectives. -LM