[b][u]Raids:[/u][/b]
"Must be 1600+ even though being above 1550 provides no additional benefit and Contest Mode was cleared at 1530. If you ain't at least Season Rank 2,569 by now, you are literal garbage and should never touch this game again."
"KWTD or get kicked, even though I have 78 clears and still have no idea how to do anything other than clear adds in every encounter because mechanics are for cars."
"Must have 50+ clears, even though this is week 2 of the raid"
"Must have Izzy w/ catty. Don't worry about me running my PvP sweat loadout, I'm cracked with it. I promise."
[b][u]PvP:[/u][/b]
"Be good and dont suck. If I die because of my own mistakes then I'm blaming you for not carrying me."
"Must be 5.0 K/D or higher. My K/D only says 0.8 because it's bugged I promise."
"Will be checking stats, but don't you dare look mine up or I'm kicking you."
"Quickplay/Iron Banner sweating, because if we went into Trials we'd get slapped harder than Chris Rock and Rhianna combined."
[spoiler]Did I miss anything? Let me know down below.[/spoiler]
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You forgot to add “must have perfect credit score”.