Hello, welcome to my 5 easy-to-follow steps on how to post in Offtopic. Offtopic is a place brimming to the... well brim with... creativity? Yeah I guess that's what you can call it. Anyway here are the easy steps to follow - as follows. 1. Make sure your posts are respondable. You don't want your audience to read your post and not have anything to say. Ask a question, feedback, have a prompt, etc. Just don't make it closed off to offtopic. Make the readers believe they are intelligent and have something witty to add on to it. 2. Shower a lot. Whenever I get ideas on what to post in this chaotic place, it always comes from the shower. In order to get more ideas and more posts - shower more. In fact, shower more than you ever have in your life. You're a filthy creature, get those thoughts flowing, shower at least 7 - 13 times a day. You should be living paycheck to paycheck with how much your water bill runs. 3. Insult your audience Offtopic is full of mas[b][/b]ochists who want to be insulted at every turn and whim. Make sure you degrade your audience and treat them as utter trash. They'll sure thank you for it! 4. You're better than everyone here Don't let other people's posts fool you; you're the smartest, funniest, and overall best person here. Act like it. Who cares what your audience thinks, they are wrong. If they don't understand your jokes, they're the stupid ones! Don't take feedback either, critique their criticisms! Spit in their silly-unsymmetric faces. 5. Don't feed the animals Offtopic is known for practically being like a zoo, we've had giraffes, tigers, carrots, bulls, bird people, fruit, bears, etc. In all cases - do not feed the animals. I know they look pretty hungry and may beg you, but their diet only allows them to eat a certain kind of molasses cookies that an old dad?...no, a guy named Ron? ...No, that's not it, only a xombie could make. If they don't eat those cookies only, I'm afraid to tell you what might happen... 6. Only make copypastas I know that I said offtopic was brimming with creativity but this is the only way you'll win, sport. Making parodies is a low-effort and sure way to win! You love winning, don't you? Just take some poor guy's post and change some words here and there and boom! Instant success. 7. Be the first to post about a Holiday when it comes up -even if it means being a week early. This way, your post will be the top one for that holiday and everyone else who is wishing a "Merry" Christmas will all look like posers. 8. Block every user. You're the only one that matters, and like that, you'll instantly rise to the top. Your posts will be so popular, it'll be as if everyone stopped posting just to honor you as the king of offtopic! 9. Leave for 5 years, pop in, say "whomst've," and then never be seen again. 10. Draw every resident of offtopic This is a surefire way to win the hearts of the people. Draw them all! Just be careful of the possibility of your sudden "disappearance." (Rip the sheriff) 11. Make allusions to the olden days Nobody likes offtopic as it is. If you're not living in the past, you're not living at all. Recall old members that everyone knew and then you'll slowly make them subconsciously change their past popularity for your current popularity! It's all about being the most adored here. Thank you for reading my 13 easy-to-follow steps on how to post in offtopic. Feel free to add more tips for new users and lurkers! And remember, deviating from these easy-to-follow steps will result in immediate termination from Offtopic!