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8/31/2021 2:20:04 AM
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Why I Should be the New Hunter Vanguard

yes

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yes!!

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practically a new cayde

4

Dear Bungie, There hasn't been a hunter vanguard for a few years now, right? And things seem to be going fine more or less? NOPE, and let me tell you why: There's this perpetual state of confusion about who the hunter vanguard should be because technically it's Crow, technically it's nobody, technically it's being debated, well technically you should sit down, shut up, and listen. I've been around the block, I have almost one entire seal (yeah I know pretty badass). I miss 60% of my shots with grenade launchers, I [i]do not[/i] know what a "grand master" is, I have two completions of Vault of Glass, I have a Crucible K/D of 0.023 and every single time I load into a match of Gambit I immediately start crying. No one has ever loved lore as much as I do when I'm spamming the escape key on my keyboard, no one has such an encyclopaedic knowledge of rolls and good weapons as me with my god roll blue auto rifle that's fifty under light. I can serve as a mentor to other Hunters, preaching the good word of literally only maxing out mobility and creating a macro to spam the class ability key a thousand times a second, ensuring optimal gameplay. What's a damage phase? I don't -blam!- know, but what I do know is how many keyboards I've broken slamming my desk like an ape after missing my Celestial Nighthawk Golden Gun shot (27 times). Will I give out bounties? Yes, every single one will be 300 guardian precision kills with a sidearm in gambit, and it will reward you with 27 blue weapons and one of those items that makes bosses you kill piss glimmer. Will I refuse to hand out my exotic catalyst to anyone with less than 500 hours in hunter? yes, and even if you do get it it will require you to alt+f4 your game mid-raid 12 times, getting you immediately banned upon equipping it on your weapon. oh, did i mention my exotic? it's a primary ammo sidearm with a four bullet mag that stuns every single champion but otherwise does one damage, and its exotic lets you cast chaos reach instead of having a melee ability because who the -blam!- uses bottom tree solar melee? For these reasons, and many others, I humbly submit my Vanguard application for review. Thank you for your time, and I hope to hear back from you soon. Long live Cayde. Sincerely, i want blink on hunter again

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