[spoiler]This takes place a few hours after part 3 of my Through Dreams RP series from months back. I've been working on it off and on when I found the time and motivation.
I haven't seriously written anything in quite a bit, so I'm rusty. Probably could've trimmed this down too but meh. Character limits are meant to be reached!
I've also updated my [url=https://www.bungie.net/en/Forums/Post/256331902?sort=0&page=0]Lore Dump[/url][/spoiler]
At the bottom of a pool of bubbling water lies the lifeless body of a pale woman. Her eyes open, ruby irises surrounded by darkness, and stare into the starry sky above before widening with realization. Nil quickly sits up and empties her lungs upon the edge of the hotspring then scans her surroundings, tucking snow white hair behind Elven ears.
The evening's events quickly return to her. After the last of her guests had departed, she found a change of clothes in the servants quarters and made for the hotspring to wash away the ancient grime and dried blood. With a sigh of relief, Nil steps out of the warm water to dry and dress, unbothered by the cold mountain air.
The bath was sorely needed, and while the black blouse and gray trousers were not exactly fresh they were a vast improvement over the rags she had slowly decayed with in the catacombs below. Gliding through the withered gardens Nil reaches the base of the mansion and looks to the shattered stained glass window above, then casually leaps inside.
A beam snaps and a portion of the ceiling shatters across the ballroom floor as Nil silently ascends the stairs. Through a door barely on it's hinges she enters a hallway in the north wing. Stepping around patches of snow and shards of glass, she walks to a door near the end and enters a simple bedroom.
There were additional cobwebs and a fresh coat of dust, but all appeared as she had left it. From an armoire, Nil retrieves a pair of black leather riding boots that rise to the knee, a matching hooded long coat, and her family's sword. A claymore with a thin crystalline blade and a dark steel cross guard shaped like the wings of a bird. Sheathing the blade and slinging it over her shoulder, Nil grabs a brown satchel aswell then heads deeper into the dilapidated mansion until she comes to one of her daughters rooms.
Winter was the first to leave and her furniture was still covered in white sheets and yet more cobwebs. Unveiling a dresser, Nil searches the top drawer and produces a brush and a cracked hand mirror. She inspects the brush and returns it, then looks into the mirror to see an empty room. Placing it within the satchel, Nil leaves the room as she found it then climbs a spiral staircase to the top of a tower.
Autumns room is a mess of books, papers, and various arcane items tossed about. Upon a desk Nil finds books on the antiquated traditions of nobility and entertaining guests, aswell as several rough drafts of the invitations the strangers had mentioned receiving. One includes a date, [i]October 31st 2019[/i]. Placing the invitation and a small pouch of spell components into her satchel, Nil looks to the shelf above where four sack dolls watched through button eyes, one for each of her daughters.
The first was Spring's wearing a brown dress with green button eyes and locks of leafy green hair. Beside it sat Summer wearing a red dress with golden buttons and fiery red hair. Next was Autumn with red buttons, a black dress, and black hair poking out beneath a small pointed hat. And last was Winter in a white dress with white locks of hair, blue buttons, and several pins impaled within her.
Nil takes them and turns to depart when she notices a pointed hat hanging by the door. With a sad smile she takes it and feels a weight within, finding a small book bound with black leather. A peak at the first page shows arcane symbols written in blood and her smile fades. Nil closes the book and stuffs it into the satchel, then glides through the halls to Spring's room.
The door has long since fallen off it's hinges to reveal a small bedroom full of withered plants aswell as equipment and supplies for alchemy scattered about a couple of tables near the windows. Examining the room once more, Nil sighs and moves on.
Apart from a cot and a pile of clothes, Summer's room appeared to be used more for weapons storage and exercise than sleep. It also seemed to have been occupied more recently. The dust was disturbed and the air smelt of sweat, blackpowder, and ash from the fireplace unlike the stale dust and rotting wood permeating the rest of the mansion.
In one corner, clusters of pictures and notes cover a wall with a large map of the world splayed upon a desk. In the center of one cluster a newspaper article is circled with a red pin in it, pictures within the cluster show a desert town, a grisly crime scene, and a large blurry figure.
"Still hunting monsters after all these years." Nil smiles, then looks to the map below to see several colored pins with a red one over a desert land across the sea to the east. She takes the newspaper clipping and places it in her satchel, then produces the four dolls.
Starting with Autumn's, Nil takes a hair from it then cuts her palm with a single long nail and squeezes the hair within over the map. A drop of blood trickles down and evaporates before touching the map and her shoulders slump.
"Gone from this realm."
The same happens with Winter's, but Spring's has a different reaction. The droplet begins to hover toward the south before seemingly colliding with an invisible force and evaporating.
"Something is concealing you from me..."
Finally, Summer's droplet hovers toward the red pin then stains the map beneath it. Satisfied, Nil removes the pins then folds and stores the map before leaving the room. Reaching for the door to the ballroom she pauses, hearing voices approaching. A moment later it swings open and Nil quickly scurries backwards up the wall to hide in the shadows above.
"Whoever she is, we have to locate her first." The first of three vampires says, a Half Orc man wearing similar leathers to her own. Nil recognizes him as Gorlok, a former ally and sire of the Spurned Clan of vampires.
"That is assuming she escaped the collapse of the mountain," Behind him follows a tall Human in the ornate dark steel armor of her former knights, "That commotion was behind us and we barely escaped ourselves."
"Well this place has seen better days, or worse given who lived here I guess," the last of the three is a short Elven woman wearing patchy street clothes whom Nil does not recognize. She looks around the hall and stops, peering into the shadows of the ceiling above, smiling.
"We're not gonna stay here, yeah? I think I'd feel safer on the streets."
"The magic preserving this place has failed," Gorlok replies, "We'll relocate, but I've a few things to collect first."
As they turn the corner Nil silently drops down and considers following the trio, but decides against it. Nil silently exits the hall, then glides through the ballroom and slides through the great doors, shielding her eyes from the growing light of dawn.
"Good morning, your majesty!" A feminine voice calls from ahead, the words laced with venom.
A woman stands among a dozen bodies in the courtyard ahead, a man and a half tall with a muscular frame. She wears a worn hopilite armor beneath a billowing gray cloak. Elvish ears protrude from cropped black hair that frames her pale face, dark eyes glaring with hate, but her snarl reveals no fangs.
That face, Nil realizes, is her own. The woman stabs a sword into the snow, a massive thing that appears carved from a slab of obsidian with a red eye within it's hilt that looks between the two women. She takes a few steps forward and smiles with a mock bow.
"I am Melinoe, your worst nightmare."
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"Hello," Nil waves awkwardly, "I understand you're upset, but I'm not who-" "I know who you are. The one who slumbered deep below while that thing-" Melinoe points to her sword, "- wore your face and caused all kinds of misery." Meeting the gaze of the sword, Nil draws her own, "You serve it then?" "Nah, just using it," Melinoe takes a step to the right and Nil matches her, assuming a defensive stance. "See it [b][i]hates[/b][/i] you, but not as much as it hates me." Melinoe continues as the women circle each other, "It doesn't want me to kill you, which tells me I'm on the right track to killing it." "Please, we share an enemy," Nil lowers her sword, "I don't want to fight you." "Well that's a shame, hopefully your daughters don't go down so eas-" A flurry of snow rises in her wake as Nil lunges, becoming a blur of strikes and slashes and rising snow. Melinoe backsteps, dodging and deflecting with her bracers. Then she grabs the blade and kicks Nil in the gut, sending her stumbling into the snow. "You rely too heavily upon your unnatural strength and agility," Melinoe snaps the sword over her knee and tosses the pieces aside, "But you lack any training or skill to back it up." Nil hisses and extends her hands, but nothing happens. The red eye of Melinoe's sword glows as it glares at her. "Falling back on your magic?" Her lip curls in disgust as she picks Nil up by the throat, "How did one as weak as you command such power in the past?" Before she was laid to rest it had been centuries since Nil had felt pain, but Melinoe reminded her. Every blow felt like a pelted rock, her skin bruised, her bones broke, and her vampiric healing could not mitigate the damage. Nil tried to fight back, but she was too slow, too weak, too thirsty... [i]...Blood...[/i] Nil feels it within Melinoe's palms as she clutches her, and Nil clutches back before sinking her fangs into Melinoe's neck. "Go ahead, drink up," Melinoe let's go as Nil feeds, but she finds no sustenance. Falling to her knees, Nil coughs up a thick black ichor that mingles in the snow with her own red blood. "Sorry, [i]darling[/i]," the bite wounds on her neck already healing, Melinoe extends a hand and her sword flies to it, "in the end, Death always wins." Before Melinoe can deliver the killing blow, Gorlok leaps onto her back and stabs her. She stumbles, then grabs and tosses him aside as Nil uses the distraction to retreat a few meters away. Melinoe begins to give chase, then pauses as something beeps behind her. She reaches back, but cannot remove the small metallic device he had stuck to her armor. Shoulders slumped, Melinoe turns to Gorlok and sighs, then she is engulfed in bright light. A small crater replaces the ground where Melinoe once stood and a crack of thunder echoes off the mountains. Gorlok stands, yellow eyes narrowed, and the other two emerge from the mansion behind him. The girl raises an eyebrow, "Who's this then?" While the knight falls to a knee and bows, "My Queen! We serve, as ever your most loyal servants!" "Please don't..." Nil responds, barely a whisper on the wind. The knight looks up, "My Queen?" Then rises to his feet as Gorlok approaches, slowly. "It is you in there, yes?" He asks, still braced for combat. "Yes," Nil takes a step closer to the cliffs edge and summons her sword, which appears in her hand as if it were never broken. At the sight of the sword Gorloks posture shifts and his eyes soften, "We mean you no harm, my lady. Threats gather around us and an army marches from the west, lead by a member of the Draug." Memories from Blaze's blood flash before her eyes of fur clad warriors and witches. "A war is coming and we need you." "I-" More memories, this time her own, of undead legions marching through snow, enemies impaled upon pillars of ice, piles of burning bodies, sickened villagers weeping tears of blood. A chorus of moans and screams drown Gorlok out, and a voice whispers in her ear [i]Monster[/i] "I can't, not again. Never again." Nil takes another step back, a bloody tear running down her cheek, then she falls. Gorlok lunges forward as a thousand white bats fly off towards the city, into the rising sun. The girl walks up and pats him on the back, "So what now bossman?"
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Normally, I don't read the stories on here, because I usually just come here for a laugh, but I made an exception. I will say I enjoyed it. Keep it up.
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Very good, as per usual! I have to say I disagree what Blueberry said about Winter’s room lacking character. We didn’t learn too much about her, yes, but it was the room of someone who left this place behind, which I think says something on its own. I liked it—though, I think it might’ve been better to put it last rather than first. You would’ve gotten all these descriptions on how the rest of them lived & decorated their rooms, then this bleak empty space of someone who left. It’d be a neat, melalcholy contrast to the rest of it. I do agree that the sudden help of Gorlok seemed out of place, though. The moment at which it was placed was fine, but there wasn’t any indication he knew anyone was there, and the fight didn’t seem particularly noisy, at least, not in my head. I also already read that you rushed it, so no need to repeat yourself there. :p Also, this is, like, Witch Queen Nil, right? If so, I really [i]should[/i] do something with Selicy, because the two of them having a conversation seems like it’d be fun!
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Good stuff as always, but there's a few weaker bits i'd like to point out if you don't mind. For the daughters' rooms part, i felt that winter and spring got shafted in terms of details, tone, and charaterization. With autumn and summer, it was cool to see how the personalities of the characters manifested themselves in their rooms, but spring and winter's both felt dull in comparison to autumn and summer. The tone was pretty neutral and there wasn't that much detail for them. This one's kinda nitpicky, but in the first two lines of the Summer's room paragraph (the one about her occupying the room recently), i believe there is a case of telling, not showing. I'd prefer to have details and imagery imply that she left recently and she was all about the warrior monster slayer things, rather than just saying it. I like it when writers make me feel smart. Last bit, the Gorlock savior scene was very jarring; one second, Nil's getting her butt whupped, the next Girlock appears out of nowhere and saved her. I think more tension and lead-up to Gorlock's heroism would've gone a long way. Overall, great work on the visual imagery; it's a cool little setting you've got there.
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bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump bump
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dlimq [spoiler]I though this was gonna be an exodus reference (scar spangled banner), by was happily proved wrong.[/spoiler]
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No time to read at present, but here’s a bump!
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You are a really good writer. Good job.
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Most of them are red but there’s no blue blood