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Edited by celacovsci:
12/21/2020 9:12:49 PM
3
Blossom: Chapter 1
[b]Chapter 1: Prelude[/b]
[i]Nova's scouting team came across a strange pit. It was circular, with 8 statues surrounding it. They paused to take rock samples for study. They heard a faint rumbling from down below, and the captain was alert. He instructed the scouting team to get to higher ground while he traversed the pit. He found himself in a large room, with a single hallway. He went down the hallway and found 8 more statues, each one with an orb in its hand. He took pictures of the orbs, and traversed onward. He paused, as he heard what sounded like dripping. He turned around and was met by a large creature, with many spikes and glowing red horns. He opened fire with a sidearm and ran, the creature chasing him. He made it out, and the scouting team bolted. The creature caught up, and slaughtered all but the captain. The captain reported back to Nova at the throne room.
"What did you find?" Nova inquired.
"Some sort of pit, this thing chased us out." He showed Nova the pictures of the creature and the statues.
"Interesting, very interesting. Well, it's settled. Prepare an assault team, I'll meet you on the field." Nova said.
Nova boarded her ship and went to the control room. She warped her ship and army to the pit, and deployed her troops en masse. The creature reported by the captain crawled out of the pit and started attacking. She fired multiple missiles at the pit to widen the entrance, succeeding in the process. A mass of spider-like creatures emerged, only to be slaughtered by Nova's army. She dropped down from the ship and engaged the creatures directly. She killed creature after creature, slaughtering everything in her path. A massive creature emerged with a sword, and headed straight for Nova. She threw a grenade, stunning the creature.
"Is that all you got? Come and fight me like a real warrior!" Nova said with fury.
"We are eternal, forever. You cannot eliminate all of us, pitiful thing." The creature replied.
"Watch me!" Nova yelled.
The creature seemed to enrage, and murdered her entire army. The creature subdued and captured Nova, bringing to a cell in the pit. This event would later be known as the Blitzkrieg of 2589.[/i]
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[spoiler]Small critique: several sentences in the first paragraph start with They/He repeatedly without using the noun they represent for a bit. Using the Proper Noun instead of the pronoun can help smooth it out some. Another small critique: slaughtered and murdered are good verbs, but leave a lot to the imagination. Describing how they do it, say, with slicing talons or a sword swing, can help the reader visualize how they are accomplishing their task. On a small personal note, you don’t need to take this one seriously, or maybe it’s not that important to the story anyway: I’d kinda like the monsters to be described more. If it’s never mentioned again you’re totally fine, but a little more detail would be cool! On the whole, I’m excited for where this goes! [/spoiler]
