[i]Possible trigger warning on this chapter guys. Getting deeper into the downward spiral of William’s despair here[/i] [url=https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/257667683/0/0]Link to Chapter 4 Part 2: Lost[/url] [spoiler]All chapters can be found in the [url=https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/253302742/0/0]OoT table of contents[/url][/spoiler] “Didn’t expect you to be calling back so soon,” Smoky commented as he sat across from me at the small booth, “Or at all, actually.” I didn’t answer, just stared at the empty glass clasped between my hands at the table. I couldn’t remember how many times it had been refilled, nor did I notice that the barkeep had decided to stop pouring me more. Sierra’s cannon rested on the tabletop as well, but I found myself unable to look at it, much less touch it. “So what’s up, William?” Smoky kept at starting a conversation, “Wanted a buddy to hang out with after getting drilled by the Vanguard?” Still I remained silent. His voice merely skimmed the surface of my turbulent thoughts. I felt like I was drowning in them. “Hey,” he was getting irritated with me ignoring him, “What do you want?” “…I don’t know…” I mumbled, finally looking up at his yellow eyes, “…But I can’t stay here…” “Hey,” his voice was more soothing now that he realized something was troubling me, “What’s wrong with the City?” I shook my head slowly, bringing my eyes back down to my glass. “It’s this whole reality,” I corrected quietly, “They’re really dead, and I don’t belong here…” I had thought living in a world without Sierra and Drew was bad, but somehow, living in one where they were still there was harder. “William,” Smoky rested his arms on the table and leaned over to me, “We all lose friends.” “But not everyone loses themself,” I stated. I didn’t care to explain. “What?” Smoky questioned. “Smoky,” I gripped my cup tightly in my hands, “I need you to fly me out to the field. Any high value target from the Vanguard will do. I don’t care how deep in enemy territory it is. But no V…Vex.” “Wha…?” Smoky looked me up and down in my pitiful condition, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” “I need to find…” I trailed off, the beginning of my lie tasting foul on my tongue, “No…I’ll be honest with you. You’re the only one I know here, and I don’t want the last thing I do to be taking advantage of someone’s kindness.” “Huh?” Smoky wasn’t following me. Rush floated close to my shoulder, offering me his silent support and consent. “We need to die. As soon as possible,” my grip on the glass eased up as I forced out the words. Smoky gaped at me, then his eyes narrowed, “No.” “Please…” my eyes flickered to Sierra’s gun, and I squeezed them shut, “I couldn’t do it myself. If you just-“ “We’re not discussing this,” he told me in a hushed voice, trying to keep others in the bar from hearing, “You’re a Guardian and I would nev-“ “Do it!” I snapped, suddenly angry, my glass shattering in my hands and cutting through my skin. A couple of heads turned towards the commotion. Smoky glanced at Sierra’s hand cannon, but seemed to dismiss the possibility that I’d use it. “Look, you can’t go throwing your life away,” he said sternly, but still in a hushed tone, “People need us around. The Traveler brought you here for a-“ I shot to my feet and grabbed Smoky by the collar, dragging him onto the table so his face was mere inches from mine. The whole bar fell into a hushed silence and everyone stared at us, but I didn’t care. “It didn’t bring me here,” I hissed, “The Vex did. I shouldn’t exist.” “What in the Light’s name are you talking about?” Smoky struggled in my grasp. “The Vault!” I shoved him back down into his seat, not caring who was listening. It wouldn’t make any sense to them even if I wasn’t babbling drunkly. “I never made it back! I’m lost in some reflection that I can never accept! So either set me loose or finish it yourself!” “Ghost, talk him out of this!” Smoky pleaded to Rush, who promptly appeared at my side as I loomed over the table with both hands planted down on it. “I…I can’t argue with William on this,” Rush spoke sullenly, eye tilted down, “We can’t live here. It’s… it’s not right.” “I AM NOT doing that! Will you two start making some sense?” Smoky exclaimed, “Can’t live here? Can’t accept? Did your friends dying make you nutty?” At the mention of my friends I lunged forward and grabbed his neck, this time with just my right hand. The blood from my cuts made his skin slick, but I had a tight grip on him to pull him close even if I wasn’t choking him. “I don’t expect you to understand,” I growled, now too quietly for anyone else to hear, “I expect you to help people, and right now that’s the help I need. I can’t bring myself to even point a gun at my Ghost, but there are plenty of monsters out there that will. I can still do something for your world, like I was supposed to do in mine. If you don’t take me where I can fight for your humanity until my last, I’ll find someone else to do it.” “You’re insane!” Smoky bashed my head, making me let go. His eyes flickered around the room, counting all the civilians watching. I was clearly unstable, and he was ready to defend the people here. Maybe he’d kill me himself if I attacked them; all these people were only twisted shadows of the reality I cared about. No…I couldn’t hurt them. “Insane?! I don’t even exist anymore!” I roared. “Excuse me,” I felt a hand come down on my shoulder, gripping tightly to hold me still, “Is there a problem?” I turned to see a woman in Titan armor looming behind me, a man in Hunter armor coming up to her side. The Titan looked at me with furrowed brows, but the Hunter seemed relatively unconcerned. “Not one you could understand,” I replied without thought. Right now I just wanted Smoky to do as I said; these other Guardians were nothing more than an interruption, unless they’d give me a ride where Smoky wouldn’t. The corners of her mouth twitched into an angry frown, and the next thing I knew I was stumbling backwards into the table with a hand over my throbbing nose. “Marissa, calm down!” The Hunter was holding the Titan back as she tried coming at me for a second blow. “You wanna call me stupid again, tough guy?!” The Titan, Marissa, challenged. She stopped trying to break out of the Hunter’s grasp but was still leaning towards me menacingly. “I wasn’t calling you stupid,” I groaned as my nose creaked back into its proper form with the help of Rush’s healing. “Oh so you were calling ALL Titans stupid?” She seethed. “Marissa, shut up,” the Hunter sighed. Her eyes seemed to catch fire, and she slammed her elbow back into the Hunter’s stomach before picking him up by the collar so his toes dragged kn the ground, “What was that, slick?” “Uh…you’re hot when you’re mad?” The Hunter flashed an innocent grin. After a long second, Marissa sighed irritably and put him down. “Matthew, you’re the worst.” “And what do you say to the little man?” Matthew dusted his cloak off, and I rolled my eyes at his teasing. “I’m sorry,” she grumbled to me. I don’t know if I was too drunk or too depressed to care. “So what seems to be the problem, gentleman?” The Hunter, Matthew, questioned us. [spoiler]Matthew and Marissa are characters from my Festival of the Lost short story [url=https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/237536647/0/0]The Mask of Fear[/url][/spoiler] [url=https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/257797792/0/0]Link to Ch5 Pt2: Drowning[/url]