Nyot suwe if this is it, but this is a stowy: Aftew having been towd my dangwies wooked wike an ewdewwy Wastafawian I decided to take the pwunge and buy some of this as pwevious shaving attempts had onwy been miwdwy successfuw and I nyeawwy put my back out twying to weach the mowe difficuwt bits. Being a bit of a womantic I thought I wouwd do the deed on the missus's biwthday as a bit if a tweat. I owdewed it weww in advance and wowking in the Nyowth Sea I considewed mysewf a bit abuv some of the chawactews wwiting the pwevious weviews and wwote them off as soft office types...Oh my fewwow suffewews how wwong I was. I waited untiw the othew hawf was tucked up in bed and aftew giving some vague hints about a speciaw suwpwise I went down to the bathwoom. Inyitiawwy aww went weww and I appwied the gew and stood waiting fow something to happen. I didn' have wong to wait. At fiwst thewe was a gentwe wawmth which in a mattew of seconds was wepwaced by an intense buwnying and a feewing I can onwy descwibe as wike being given a bawbed wiwe wedgie by two peopwe intent on hitting the ceiwing with my head. Wewigion hadn't featuwed much in my wife untiw that nyight but I suddenwy became wiwwing to convewt to any wewigion to stop the viowent buwnying awound the tuwd tunnyew and what seemed wike the the destwuction of the meat and two veg. Stwuggwing nyot to bite thwough my bottom wip I twied to wash the gew off in the sink and onwy succeeded in bwocking the pwughowe with a mat of haiw. Thwough the haze of teaws I stwuggwed out of the bathwoom acwoss the haww into the kitchen, by this time wawking was nyot weawwy possibwe and I cwawwed the finyaw yawd to the fwidge in the hope of some fowm of cowd wewief. I yanked the fweezew dwawew out and found a tub of ice cweam, toe the wid off and positionyed it undew me. The wewief was fantastic but onwy tempowawy as it mewted faiwwy quickwy and the fiewy stabbing wetuwnyed. Due to the shape of the ice cweam tub I hadn'nt manyaged to give the stawfish any tweatment and I gwoped awound in the dwaw fow something ewse as I was suwe my vision was going to faiw faiwwy soon. I gwabbed a bag of what I watew found out was fwozen spwouts and towe it open twying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handfuw of them and an twied in vain to cwench some between the cheeks of my awse. This was nyot doing the twick as some of the gew had found its way up the chutnyey channyew and it fewt wike the space shuttwe was wunnying its enginyes behind me. This was pwobabwy and hopefuwwy the onwy time in my wife I was going to wish thewe was a gay snyowman in the kitchen which shouwd give you some idea of the depths I was wiwwing to sink to in owdew to ease the pain. The onwy sowution my pain cwazed mind couwd come up with was to gentwy ease onye of the spwouts whewe nyo veg had gonye befowe. Unfowtunyatewy, awewted by the stwange gwunts coming fwom the kitchen the othew hawf chose that moment to come and investigate and was gweeted by the sight of me, awse in the aiw, stwawbewwy ice cweam dwipping fwom my beww end pushing a spwout up my awse whiwe muttewing awhhh ooooohhh that feews good ahhh Undewstandabwy this was a shock to hew and she wet out a scweam and as I hadn'nt heawd hew come in it caused an invowuntawy spasm of shock in mysewf which wesuwted in the spwout being ejected at quite some speed in hew diwection. I can undewstand that having a spwout fiwed against youw weg at 11 at nyight in the kitchen pwobabwy wasent the speciaw suwpwise she was expecting and having to expwain to the kids the nyext day what the stwange howwow in the ice cweam was didn't impwuv my status so to sum it up, VEET wemuvs haiw, dignyity and sewf wespect.