Good evening Offtopic, it's March 11th 6:25 pm; I'm Dick Hertz and this is the Market News> Calm has returned to a forum seemingly stricken with upheaval, a few holdouts protesting the recent CoC changes have been unsuccessful in convincing the powers that be to rescind their edict. One bemused citizen had this to say; [quote]Nil: All these people acting like it's the Apocalypse or freaking out over evil bungie are hilarious. Seriously, the Offtopic Circle of Consensual Hand Holding (OCCoCHH) is out in full force.[/quote] According to sources; several stores are reporting a new shortage. Lotion- hand and otherwise- as well as the ongoing shortage of toilet paper and hand sanitizer is causing more and more problems for the butthurt individuals, and Demand for these crucial products, is on the rise... [quote] Nil: Conspiracy theories and victim complexes... the rivers are overflowing with the salty tears of generic trolls who will now have to either develop an actual personality or find a new bridge to cry under...[/quote] We will be monitoring these developments as they come... But next. Stonks in the SHITPOST (SHIT) indices gained some ground today, but continuous forum protests have lead to serious declines in the WHOLESOME (WHO) securities. Numerous users expressed disappointment at the recent moaning and groaning. President Warlock stood to reaffirm that the offtopic civilian government was still united in their purpose to remain on B-net and keep [url=https://www.bungie.net/en/Forums/Post/255444808?sort=0&page=0]order[/url] among the populace. A rousing speech was followed by words of Caution; [quote]President Warlock Holmes: These forums have stood together for so long and have endured many changes. If we work together we shall not fall![/quote] In other news the Free Anime Regulatory commission (FAR) is now in talks with the Tokyo Education Department (TED) on a project to implement a mass produced genetically engineered cat-girl to compete with the Offtopic Market, International Trade bureaus (IT) have lambasted the idea citing the poor implementation of Laws surrounding a Cat-girl or Neko's rights, and the efforts of one mad scientist to produce custom Cat-girls OMN has withheld the name of the scientist for their safety; The Society for Technological Inclusiveness (STI) and the Neko Kawaii Society (NKS) fired back that much had been learned during the previous Neko Crisis, and as a society; Offtopic and the world were now ready for Cat-girls. We reached out to Elon Musk for comment, but his secretary informed us he was currently chasing a rat through the building's ventilation system and was not available. In Other news a [url=https://www.bungie.net/en/Forums/Post/255445511?sort=0&page=0]familiar face[/url] returned to Offtopic, Tigerstorm or Tiger, a highly sought after personality answered questions and replied to comments. WHO indices responded to the return with gains in the late trading hour. We reached out for Tiger's comments on the state of Offtopic and he had this to say; [spoiler][/spoiler] I'm sorry, I'm receiving word from our producer, that we were unable to reach Tigerstorm in time for comment. Regardless, Offtopic welcomes him back with open arms and hopes he will add more of his story writing. WHO ended the trading day down approximately (-499) points, while the meager gains in SHIT indices, (+199) points, did little to quell investor fears. Investors remain hopeful, but are cutting their expectations SHIT* 1,145,867.98 WHO 999,965.87 And lastly, for our final story tonight. DarkWizard539 is on [url=https://www.bungie.net/en/Forums/Post/255443506?sort=0&page=0]Day 30[/url] of his bid to wish Cozmo, well known community manager, a good day until he responds. OMN salutes his commitment to a wholesome message but others are skeptical; we reached out for his response to the skeptics, but received no response. And the final word for tonight; As we transition into a new era of offtopic we are reminded that all things go on. Even in a world without certain discussion topics, we must find new methods to adapt our ways to be better community members. There are those who do not share this common vision, but those people are in the minority, the majority of users just want to have an enjoyable discussion, and at the risk of being censored, Politics and Religion tend to be less than enjoyable for most. But this is the News; and we do not report opinions; just the facts. I'm Dick Hertz, you've been watching the Market News, and we hope you'll join us again soon Goodnight. *ROLL OUTRO*