Good Evening I'm Dick Hertz; this is the market news> The WHOLESOME(WHO+900.00) and SHITPOST(SHIT+1000.00) indices saw the ending bell 9 and 10 points above average thanks to the influx of Refugees from the salt mines. The Offtopic Centers for Disease and Ani-Neko Department(AND+9000) say most if not all are fleeing the f2p virus. We are still waiting for official comment from the president on this matter but as of now, the market is reacting well. Stonks in Developmental Intelligence Dearths(DID-0infin.00) fell sharply with the influx. Shares in political shit/posting markets saw their worst week yet and some are saying the lack of memes could be to blame. One, lurker had this to say. [quote]"I don't know man, I had an idea for like a political meme megathread but nobody went for it, so I just sorta went back to being a part of the furniture... ... I'm a chai-"[/quote] the Net Optics Trade fund (NOT -1000000#D2691E) fell sharply. rp saw some decline in the first part of the day, but rumors of some continuous campaigns planning something public soon are circulating. Stories saw a rapid climb with Wholesome gains, a strong creative index, has offset the recent moderation changes implemented by the BNETPD ninjas. We reached out to several groups for comment. But we have yet to hear from them. Investigative journalists with OMN discovered them hiding in there houses and working from home due to coronavirus, (FLU) like QUOTE little scared bunnies UNQUOTE. wholesome posts took the market by storm today amidst a joint shitpost boom that has lead to a declining price, Bullish investors at the Shitpost Hedge fund (SH+666)advise that any market can bounce back and Shitpost Hedge is no different. In other news; recognizable user [i][u][b]Veggetehbull[/b][/u][/i] anounced he would be including a creative writing project on the world of Offtopic for his upcoming project in school. We reached out to congratulate him and ask about the challenges he would be facing. [quote]Veggetehbull: [url=https://www.bungie.net/en/Forums/Post/255378707?sort=0&page=0]"Honestly... I have no freaking clue how I'm going to explain this story to anyone[/quote][/url](DIS+1.00) Mr Veggie went on to say he loves offtopic and looks forward to many more adventures. (GUS+2.10) Next time [url=https://www.bungie.net/en/Forums/Post/255389522?sort=0&page=0]an amazing discovery[/url] found by one very lucky Traffic Cone; when a spoonful of sugar [i]does not[/i] help the medicine go down. (TING-3.00) I've been Dick Hertz with the Offtopic Market News, good night and sleep tight Offtopic *ROLL OUTRO MUSIC*