Good Morning It's 9:47 am I'm Dick Hertz and this is the Market News.
Government Authorities released a report on an incident involving a domestic terrorist, known only as "The Speaker" occurred when a coalition lead by the aforementioned terrorist decided to downvote all Offtopic posts recently no matter the content, in an attempt to disrupt business. The attack was largely ineffective but the government was quick to point out this has happened before...
[quote]
President Warlock: Yea he does this stuff... Just ignore him, he'll go away eventually... [/quote]
Several Clowns were arrested...
In foreign news the highest upvoted shitpost this anchor has seen in a long time appeared... and lingered in the #Destiny2 subforum, International investors rode the upward boom to exponential gains n the post of [b][i]BL00DBEARDGR1M[/i][/b], A salt miner and activist who has been present in the community for several years, the post remained in place on the subforum until being moved by BNETPD Ninja Pobreloko, but not before gaining over 250 upvotes. The Post and it's contents are now available in the City square for all to admire.
Authorities warn of increased moderation following this incident reminding all users that petey the ban-bot is ever active, and lawlessness will not be tolerated on our beloved forum. Investors that gained on the risk, are now preaching caution over cupidity, to an excited public. Effects on the Offtopic and international markets this will have are still largely uncertain
In other news; Stories have risen dramatically in the past weeks. New and interesting tales have been popping up more and more recently, and experts say it is mostly the result of calls from the consumer market for more creativity; some bullish investors even say the value may have been effected by the uptick in RP, another creative stock that has seen a slight decline in recent months, but remains a boon to all investors.
One author who was [b][i]certainly not Nil[/i][/b] had this to say;
[quote]An author: I don't know I'm just a bored between D&D sessions, and it's a lot better then reading the -blam!- ECCHO posts.[/quote]
Political Shitposting gained ground somewhat before being slapped down by a weary market. Experts in the Offtopic Conservative Circle of Consensual Hand-Holding (OCCoCHH) are baffled. We reached out to the CEO and King of the OCCoCHH's for comment but ECCHO SIERRA was not immediately available.
The BNETPD (ninja) released a report stating CoC violations were down this week, community leaders have also noted a surge in wholesomeness, Wholesome Posts rose to knew heights today as hopeful investors sought to stave off concerns of CoronaVirus and weather what is likely to be an intensely political election Season, We reached out to Officer Spawn for comment but received no answer. Emperor Trump had this to say:
[quote]Emperor Trump: [b][i][u]BIGLY[/u][/i][/b]
[/quote]
Coming up on the Market News our top story of the night, Mysteries of Offtopic- Who was BurlyBarrBaine, and what was the effect on the speculative salt market... We'll have that and tips on trading from the experts.
All that and more at 5
You've been watching the Offtopic Market News, and I've been your host Dick Hertz, we'll see you at 5
*OUTRO MUSIC*
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Terrorist??? [spoiler]actually you know what I'm good with it...[/spoiler]
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I can’t believe I just read all of that [spoiler]and I wasn’t mentioned *sad face*[/spoiler]
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*Sips coffee* Finally, a reliable news source.
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[quote]Dick Hertz[/quote] hehehehehheheheehhhhehhehh Heheh Heh ... Heheh.
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We have a news station now? [spoiler]Sips Tea[/spoiler]
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So, news station getting hijacked?
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[i]*checks stonk market*[/i]
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Could we obtain an ad segment in the next OffTopic Street journal? Of course, we are more than willing to compensate for your trouble.
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*Turns off tv as the segment ends.* Ahh, I love watching the news with a good cup of coffee.
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Dude this is lit. Keep doing it. [spoiler]@-@[/spoiler]
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“Wait, there’s a market? I really gotta leave my ship more.”
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[quote]certainly not Nil[/quote] I'm upset that name exceeds the limit.
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Edited by FdYAcsoyPKN83gLE: 3/4/2020 7:32:41 PMRoleplay cringe. Roleplay abuse.
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I don’t watch the news, but I’d listen to this. BuNp
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I very much enjoyed this
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