Heddy: On The hour, we are live from the Steps of the First Bank of Offtopic, where the recent riots have caused a lockdown of operations the Bank CEO Smiling Serpent about to give a Statement. Serpent:We of the Bank of offtopic are dismayed to announce that an incident between a crusader and an uwu victim occured in our bank this morning, the incident in question did not cause more than light damage, there were no major injuries and our clients property is still safe. We have locked down our offices and building, and will remain as such until the riots have ended, We of the Bank of offtopic press our politicians to end this meaningless conflict and foster diplomacy between the two sides, or at least to declare a temporary compulsory armistice until; such a settlement and peaceful way forward can be found and followed. The Bank serves all clients, weebs, shitposters, edgelords, trolls, uwu's owo's crusaders, and otherwise lurkers. We do not condone or endorse the violence and hatred that has broken out across the subforum, wwe wish the authorities the best of luck and offer any assistance the private company SerPent MGT may be able to provide. We will review and execute exploratory panels to assess the feasibility of all reasonable requests made by the Offtopican Gov't. We also plead to our customers, set aside your petty differences and learn to live together Thank you and Good Luck. *The Serpent Grins* Heddy; and now for the Market news! Weapon, ammo and armor stocks seem to be leveling out as the uwu virus victims are hunted across the subforum by organized militants. Authorities joined with the anti-uwu's, shortly after the outbreak amid accusations that the Executive Branch of Offtopic, prepared a lukewarm response to the rioting. President Sherlock staved off these attacks, calling for peace and diplomacy between the two sides A post conflict fall in prices is expected as industrial production rises above the demand Wholesome memes saw their worse week yet with little to no demand observed, and a private sector seemingly unwilling to provide the niche service, with the approach of porch day investors expect an uptick in WM stocks at least for a day, though long term outlook remains muted. Political shitposts have seen a minor loss of traction leading to what experts are calling Offtopathy, Eccho Sierra a prominent conservative shitposter, displayed confidence that the market would recover, while Political Commentator KellyGreen2 asserted he was "once again, ignoring facts to fit his, narrowed world view" As always, the party of the Offtopic Conservative Circle of Consensual Handholding, declined to comment, but one representative called the well known Commentator, "delusional..." RP continues to see a steady and healthy growth much to the chagrin of some investors who call the practice and occupation of the market in whole "Total cringe" The Council of DM's responded to investor concerns by sticking out their tongues and saying "no u..." This Concludes the evening Market News, good night, and good luck, I'm Heddy Melons, signing off.