Hmmm... A Shadow plug...

I'm only 2 paragraphs in and would like to say something... [spoiler]WOW! You have drastically improved on your descriptive writing![/spoiler]

[quote]5 minutes before the prison break from the Prison of Elders Arctic Circle, Earth ———————————————————————————————————— “So what’s next on the list?” Nexus asked “Your the one that’s keeping track, not me.” I replied “Well next thing on the list is hunting down a Fallen Captain.” Nexus replied. “That sounds like fun!” I replied “Yeah it does, hang on, I’m getting a message from Cayde.” Nexus said “What is it? Is he ok?” I asked, obviously concerned about Cayde. “Prison of Elders, there’s a riot there.” Nexus replied. “Well, what are we waiting for, let’s go!” I replied. The Eclipse flew towards us, it’s sleek black frame gleamed in the little amount of sunlight that penetrated the thick clouds above. We transmatted inside, I quickly started the engines and charted course for the Reef. ———————————————————————————————————— 14 minutes after the start of the riot Prison of Elders, The Reef ———————————————————————————————————— We made it to the Prison in 14 minutes, Awoke(n) Corsairs were there at the docking bay. They motioned us towards the Prison entrance, we hastily ran inside. There were a lot, and I mean a lot of prisoners. I ran past most of them, [ I ] (and) shot the door controls, so as to lock the door behind me, and to prevent any prisoners from escaping. I stopped running, I knew that something was off, I looked outside only to just about see Variks escape the Prison, he was with a Hunter. They boarded a shuttle and fled the Prison. I kept running past hallways and prison cells until I found the source of the problem. ———————————————————————————————————— “What are these things?” Nexus was confused, he did not know what (")these things(") were. I opened fire on [these things] (the strange creatures), one of them leapt towards me, it exploded in my face, a dark blue substance covered the ground where it was. I continued to slaughter these “fallen” until I ran out of ammo. “There’s no end to [these things] (them), and I’m out of ammo, this is just great!” I said, sarcastically. I kept on throwing knives and grenades at [these things](my adversaries) until I was backed into a corner. I had one last trick up my sleeve, the Golden Gun. I summoned my Light, yet what I had in my hand was not a gun, but instead it was a set of knives. “Well this is new.” I said. “Yeah, it is, and it’s your last resort, so use it well.” Nexus said, he was cowering in fear at the amount of these mutated Fallen. I immediately started throwing the knives in every direction, at everything that I possibly could. I ended up killing nearly all of the mutated Fallen. Then I heard footsteps from across the hall. Petra Venj enter(ed) the room, she held her gun in one hand as she walked. “That’s a lot of Scorn you killed Guardian.” She said looking at all of the corpses on the floor. “So that’s what they’re called.” I said in reply. “Yeah, Variks released all of the prisoners, we don’t know why.” She replied. ———————————————————————————————————— Just then, we saw Cayde fall down the central shaft, the platform was on fire. “See you at the bottom Petra.” He said. “Ah, Cayde is still as risky as every, I see.” Nexus said. Petra immediately said that she was going down to head off the Scorn Barons and their leader. “Who is their leader?” I said “Prince Uldren.” She replied. “Knew something was off about him.” Nexus said in a silent whisper. I decided that the quickest [was](way) down was to jump, so I leapt over the railing and off of the floor that I was on. I used my bow that I had gotten from the remnants of Tevis’ Light to make a Bungie cord to slow my descent when I neared the bottom. ———————————————————————————————————— After I heard a gunshot, I immediately rushed through the only open door. I ran down the corridors and made it to where Cayde was. He was lying there in the floor, Sundance, his ghost, was dead on the floor nearby. I rushed over to Cayde’s side, he was dying. “Cayde, what happened to you?” I said sorrowfully. “It’s ok Mcreed.” He said whilst laughing. “No, it’s not ok, [your](you're) dying!” I replied. “Sometimes we laugh, sometimes we cry, yet my game is finished, funny though, being defeated by my own card.” Cayde monologued. Cayde’s eyes faded to black, Petra was there to watch the whole thing. She was enraged. I was in mourning, I ordered Nexus to get Cayde’s body back to the Tower. “Yet, if I’m not with you, you’ll die.” He replied. Petra then intervened in the conversation “We’ll take Cayde back to the Tower for you, Nexus and you will go and pursue Uldren and the Barons.” She said. “Oh, and Mcreed, one last thing before you go.” She said. Petra then gave me a bow, one made with Awoken design. “It [ain’t no] (yes she is and I don't think she would use double negatives) Queen’s Wrath, but it will do you good.” She said. ———————————————————————————————————— I rushed down the walkway until I caught up with Uldren and the Scorn Barons. They weren’t that far from where Cayde was. Uldren stood in front of the Barons. There were 8 Barons in total, Uldren was seemingly the leader of their group. “You dare oppose the Vangaurd, Uldren Sov!” I said from across the room. Uldren did not say a word, from what I knew he did not even care about anything that I had to say. He then locked the door shut behind him and the Barons. I knew that Cayde must be avenged, and I was the one to do it.[/quote] Phew! That took a while! This, [ ] when next to this,( ) is either repetitive, improper, or not accurate. In the first two instances simply replace this[ ] with this( ). I may have missed some things, but this is all I see.