I had an interesting experience tonight and thought I'd share it with descriptive writing.
[quote] Nic stood in front of his father in the kitchen. His father, a large bald intimidating man, told him it'll be cold tonight and he'd need to check the chickens.
Nic grimaced at this as it was already in the low thirties and by the time he had finished cooking it would be in the twenties. He finished and ate quickly, relishing the hot food.
After washing the dishes it was time.
He walked to his room and gathered his jacket, his Red Ryder, and a flashlight.
Nic stepped out the door, the crisp night air freezing his breath, he continued down the ramp towards the coop shining the lights powerful beam along the tree line as he went.
The acre and a half walk took him about a minute to complete in the cold weather. Half way there the wind picked up cutting through his layers like a knife, chilling him to the bone.
Once he had reached the coop he found that once again the chickens had decided to sayf**k you hoomins, and were asleep on top of the hen house instead of inside it. Nic sighed and walked in.
"You are really stupid," Nic stated flatly.
His two oldest chickens, who had decided Nic was their favorite hoomin, lifted their heads and let out a soft cooing sound. The other four couldn't care less about him.
He leaned over checking that their water hadn't frozen, when he was satisfied he stood up and left the coop.
His knuckles were turning white from the frigid air as he gripped his"rifle".
He heard leaves crushing and turned to see a lone coyote stalking closer. He directed the beam towards the coyote and it stopped advancing.
Nic slowly backed away to his house, knowing that coyote's are pack animals he kept scanning his yard for more.
As he expected, another showed up and the first seemed to gain confidence in the company of the other coyote.
Now drawing within half an acre of the ramp to his house Nic shouldered his Red Ryder and fired at the closest coyote.
The shot connected with it's cheek and it yelped in pain, causing the other to stop and examine it's friend.
Seeing his chance, Nic turned and bolted for the door.
A third coyote lay in wait near the ramp to his house, having seen the hunting tactic used many times before, he was ready.
He fired his weapon at the third coyote and reached the door.
He walked in and saw his brother feeding the dogs.
"Hey you're not going to believe this!" He exclaimed, recounting the events of his trip outside.
He finished with, "I wonder if anyone on offtopic would like this?"
He left to start typing, leaving his brother with a confused look on his face.[/quote]
Well, that was my night. Did I convey it well in this peice? Please feel free to tell me what you think of the writing in the comments.
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Near the beginning you said “finished cooking” twice in really quick succession, and the ending segment was a little awkwardly written, but other than that not bad! Interesting night for sure!