Tiger tiptoed down the empty halls, alarms blaring with their red lights. Blood had soaked both the floors and walls with dismembered body parts strewn about, yet, no corpses. Nothing to signify all the dead scientists.
Tiger didn’t want to know what was going on.
He didn’t care. He wanted out.
But in order to get out, he had to relieve himself of the headset that was attached to him. If he got it off, he could escape. But it was locked to Dr. Fenrir‘s personal datapad.
And for that to happen, he had to cross the main lab space. And if Tiger had to guess, it was the center of what happened.
________________
Speaker and Tiger walked to the main lab area. Ruined support beams and trashed lab desks littered the area. Broken test tubes were overgrown with plantlife.
A large mound of burnt something laid in the middle of the room. Broken skeletal bodies laid about, lab coats still on some of them.
But that was only the minor stuff. For a large burnt skull laid atop the mound, eerily similar to that of rumored dragons.
“There it is Speaker, the ‘Mega--blam!-er’. “Tiger exclaimed.
“Looks like Xombie if he decided to become a raging alcoholic.” Speaker said dryly.
“Well lemme tell you, it certainly ran around like one. ‘Mega--blam!-er’ here was killing anything that wasn’t a part of it. Almost got me too.” Tiger said darkly.
“Okay so how are you alive?” Asked Speaker.
Tiger shifted uncomfortably. “Uh, let’s just say it’s a lot grosser than whatever you may be thin-“
“You -blam!-ed a donut hole to survive, I knew it!” Speaker said quickly.
“No.”
“You did a night-night-jiggy?”
“No...”
“You Murder-Boned someone like in one of your other friends kink stories?”
“-blam!-. No.” Tiger said sternly, putting an end to that conversation.
He stared out back at the corpse. ”Let’s just say that it didn’t go so well cause of someone who was still alive at the time.” Tiger pointed to a scientist corpse, whom was clutching a remote in their hands. The name tag was worn though, making it difficult to see who this was.
“Okay, I’ll bite. This the head doctor?” Speaker asked.
“Yes.”
Speaker looked back at the corpse. “Did he have to look like a pedo in a speedo?”
Tiger looked at him. “Not how I would’ve put that but -blam!- it let’s go with that description. Yeah so, once I snuck out of my room, I decided to make a break for the Dr. Fenrirs office. Only problem was trying to get through here. To do so, I had to crawl through the vents.”
“What’s so wrong with that?” Speaker said. “I mean vents, sure they get you dirty, but they’re not-“
Tiger kicked open a vent door nonchalantly before Speaker could stop talking, revealing the entire inside of it was coated with dried blood, mucus, and burn marks.
“-never -blam!-ing mind that is pretty disgusting.” Speaker said without missing a beat or taking a breath of air. “Then again I can’t judge, I sacrifice pet hamsters for the Gods of the Deep.”
“And I play paradox-billiards-vostroyan-roulette-fourth dimensional-hypercube-chess-strip poker in my free time.” Tiger replied.
Speaker stared at him.
“What?” Tiger asks.
“....NERD!”
“Oh stow it. Look do you want to see the shit I reached when I got there or don’t you?” Tiger asks.
“As long as it gets me my Tiger-Men clones to take on the rest of Offtopic, I got no choice my fu-“
Tiger started pulling out his sidearm slowly.
“-errrr-fuzzy! Yes my fuzzy friend!” Speaker replied, again not missing a beat.
“Alright, let’s go.”
-
I really like the humor in this story. Very well done. Hopefully I can find some way to achieve this humor in my own stories.