Good start. May I add this to my [url=https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/245771343/0/0]Archive[/url]? Separate the story into paragraphs. To me, it seemed too choppy, like the sentences were rushed and the focus kept jumping around. Heres an example of some changes you could make: [quote]All that could be seen was white. White. He couldn’t see his surroundings. His body was overcome with searing pain. An alien voice to his right sounded off, “Guardian? Are you alright?” A few gears -or at least what sounded like gears of some sort- moved, and his vision began to clear. The feelings in his legs, arms and ears were coming back to him. “Guardian?” That sound again. What was it? “Who is there?” He looked around, and saw a strange orb floating next to him. It’s blue, digital eye was watching him closely. “We must hurry, guardian. These are not safe areas.” Alerted to his surroundings, he noticed he was in a forest of some sorts. He was near what he presumed was the edge of it, and could see a fortress of some sorts above him; giant turrets shooting into the unknown. He looked down at his body. His clothes seemed to be burnt, and they were foreign to him. “The Darkness lingers in this area, Guardian. We must move.” His legs summoned all the strength he could to stand, and began to move, with a purpose unbeknownst to him of his Destiny.[/quote] No need to copy me exactly. Just try to compare this to yours and see what you can improve. You did well.