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Edited by Jimothy:
8/7/2018 10:53:18 PM
36
Post your favorite copypasta
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Gru is the most powerful being in the universe. First according to the height of a Minion (which is 3.5 feet on average) Gru is 4 minions tall, whick means he is a godly size of 14 feet tall. Second if any of you remember the original Despicable Me, you know there is a scene when Vector kidnaps the three girls and shoots a series of heat-seeking missiles at Gru, he then dodges them all. According to the speed of an average ballistic missile (1900 mph) and the sixe of the missile according to his ankle size, Gru can perceive and move at such a speed that missiles only move 9.5 miles per hour, 0.5% of their original speed. Plus after this Gru punches a shark and it is paralyzed meaning its spine is probably shattered, to remind you it would require a force greater than 3,000 newtons to fracture the spine. That's equal to the impact created by a 500-pound car crashing into a wall at 30 miles per hour. I rest my case
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2 RepliesI can’t post it here. It’d ruin it for you all.
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>Be 21 >Gf 19 >Been dating for months now >This guy named Joe comes out of nowhere into my life >Find out he has no money, no residence >Moved here for a job and can't afford apartment >I decide to open up to him >Keep him in my apartment for weeks >Bro is pretty cool >We play the vidya, drink beer, watch football >Afterwards, find out girl is pregnant >By all tradition, I have to marry her now >One night, eating with wife >She admits Joe -blam!- her and she isn't ready for a commitment >Go home in a -blam!-ing rage >Throw out all Joe's shit >I'm gonna kill him when he gets home >He walks in, and I punch him hard in the face >His eye swells up, like a ball of cotton >He swings at me >I duck under and sweep his leg >I get pissed, and go to get my handgun >I confront Joe with it >He runs out to his car and -blam!-ing hightails out of here >I haven't seen or heard from him since >On the phone a month later with my brother >He asks why I've been so depressed lately >I tell him if it hadn't been for cotton-eyed Joe >I'd been married long time ago >Where did you come from where did you go >Where did you come from cotton-eye Joe
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3 RepliesComrade, now is time for a frown, I said comrade, Steel production is down, I said comrade, capitalists are clowns, You may need to sleep on the ground. Comrade, there's a place you can go, I said comrade, you'll have to trek through the snow, you can stay there, and I'm sure you will find many ways to spend your time. Its fun to be in the USSR, Its fun to be in the USSR. You can have your fair share, but your own money is rare, of you the government will take care. Its fun to be in the USSR, Its fun to be in the USSR. Get your shovel and hoe, and harvest some potatoes, I do not care if there is snow. Comrade, are you listening to me? I said Comrade I know what you want to be, I said comrade, realize motherlands dreams, but you've got to know this one thing. Rich man, ruins world by himself, I said no man, will have personal wealth. So just come here, to the USSR, Our land stretches near and so far. Its fun to be in the USSR, Its fun to be in the USSR. You can have your fair share, but your own money is rare, of you the government will take care. Its fun to be in the USSR, Its fun to be in the USSR. Get your shovel and hoe, and harvest some potatoes, I do not care if there is snow. Comrade, I was once in your shoes, I said Comrade, we hate the Red White and Blues, I feel no man, better than me or you, the Aristocracy are fools. That's when, Lenin came up to me, and said Comrade, take a walk up the street, I made a place called the USSR. They can start you up with a farm. Its fun to be in the USSR, Its fun to be in the USSR. You can have your fair share, but your own money is rare, of you the government will take care. USSR, You'll find it at the USSR. Comrade, now is time for a frown, I said comrade, Steel production is down. USSR, You'll find it at the USSR. Comrade, now is time for a frown, I said comrade, Steel production is down. USSR, You'll find it at the USSR. Comrade, are you listening to me? I said Comrade, I know what you want to be.... [spoiler]I'm sorry[/spoiler] [spoiler]no I'm not [/spoiler]
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2 RepliesWhether we wanted it or not, we've stepped into a war with the Cabal on Mars. So let's get to taking out their command, one by one. Valus Ta'aurc. From what I can gather he commands the Siege Dancers from an Imperial Land Tank outside of Rubicon. He's well protected, but with the right team, we can punch through those defenses, take this beast out, and break their grip on Freehold.
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7 RepliesWhat if everything you ever wanted... WAS TO KICK EVERYTHING IN THE FACE!? FOREVER! THEN YOU NEED PEREGRINE GREAVES!!! PUT THESE SWEET LEGS ON YOUR TITAN AND YOU WILL DECIMATE THINGS WITH YOUR POWERFUL KNEES. THEY ARE GEMS. YOU WILL LOOK GLAMOROUS LIKE A STYLISH LADY WHILE YOU KNEE SOMEONE IN THE THROAT SO HARD THEIR TEETH GO THROUGH THEIR SKULL! YOUR LEGS ARE BEDAZZLED! BEDAZZLED WITH THE STRENGTH OF 1,000 KODIAK BEARS IF KODIAK BEARS CARED ABOUT GRAVITY AND EVOLVED TO DO SWEET JUMPKICKS! YOU WILL SET YOUR CHILD ON YOUR KNEE TO GIVE HIM SOUND FATHERLY ADVICE ANDTHAT CHILD WILL EXPLODE BECAUSE YOUR KNEES ARE INSTANT DEATH! YOUR SON WILL DIE! YOUR WIFE WILL DIVORCE YOU! YOU WILL DIE ALONE ATOP THE MOUNTAIN OF CORPSES YOU'VE LEFT IN YOUR WAKE AS YOUR LIFE DISSOLVES INTO A NIGHTMARISH HELLSCAPE OF VIOLENCE AND DEPRAVITY! YOU WILL TAKE PEREGRINE GREAVES INTO THE CRUCIBLE AND YOU WILL MASSACRE PEOPLE! YOU WILL KILL THEM ALL! YOU WILL KNEE BLADEDANCERS! DENIED! GET THAT BUTTERKNIFE THE HECK OUT OF HERE! YOU WILL KNEE RADIANT WARLOCKS AND CAUSE THEM TO WEEP RADIANT TEARS! YOU WILL KNEE GOLDEN GUNSLINGERS...CAREFULLY.... YOU WILL KNEE OTHER TITANS IN THEIR BUBBLES, DIVING INTO THEIR NEON DISCO DANCE PARTIES BLIND AND MURDER THEM WITH YOUR ENERGY LEGS! IT IS YOUR BUBBLE NOW SO THAT GU---wait, THE BUBBLE IS GONE BECAUSE OF YOU!? WHY THE HECK DID YOU DO THAT!? YOU WILL RUIN YOUR K/D LIKE I HAVE BECAUSE YOU ARE ADDICTED TO THE SWEET, SWEET SOUND OF INSTANT AIRBORNE DEATH! YOU WILL CATCH SO MANY SHOTGUN BLASTS TO THE FACE AND IT WILL BE WORTH IT WHEN YOU KNOCK A BLADEDANCER OUT BEFORE HE CAN CHOP UP YOUR TEAM! EVERY PAINFUL DEATH WILL BE VALIDATED AS YOUR LEG COLLIDES WITH A FIERY WARLOCK'S GOAT HAT SO HARD THAT HE'S RENDERED BRAIN-DAMAGED AND HIS FAMILY FIGHTS WITH THE STATE OF TEXAS TO TAKE HIM OFF OF LIFE-SUPPORT! HE WILL LIVE OFF OF TUBES! BECAUSE OF TEXAAAAAAS! PEREGRINE GREEAAAAAAAAAAVES!!!
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5 RepliesSeven dead. Twelve impregnated. Two timelines disturbed, a paradox regarding faster-than-light travel created by my dong. The moon was thrown off orbit, the Sixth Sense ends a different way, earthquake in Nebraska (I don't even live in Nebraska) and the entire population of Canada is four inches shorter (not sure how this happened). Eighteen different insects eradicated from the earth and four kinds of marmoset extinct. Guam is underwater, Haiti is a mountain, Hello Games gave a release date for NMS, Billy Mays brought back from the dead. Anyone who died in May of 1672 has spontaneously combusted. Wildfire in the Sahara. Pluto is a planet again. Water on Mars turned out to be jizz. Justin Bieber relevant. Halo 5 has Arbiter as the only playable character. 734 different website domains have turned into a link to meatspin, Bing no longer exists. Guitars around the world gained another string, Bass players aren't gay anymore. The band Cream renamed Milk. Left socks raining in Tokyo.#Destiny briefly stopped complaining. Abstract art in any museum found in Moscow turned into a GIF of a goat kicking a ball. Rectangles in New Jersey turned into triangles. Huey Lewis erased from existence. And my dick is stuck in a toaster. Please change your instructions OP, they're unclear.
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1 ReplyDamn, you already knew what I was about to post lol
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3 Replies[spoiler] GAME DESTINY JA DOES YEARS I DO NOT HAVE ANY HEAVY WEAPON OF THE YEAR 1 JA MAKES THE END OF CROTA AND CRYSTAL CAMERA VARIOUS AND SEVERAL TIMES AND NEVER CAME A HEAVY WEAPON, WANTED A LOT TO GJALLARHORN, MORE TO PRA DESISTI BECAUSE SHE NEVER COMES, PRISON OF THE ANCIENTS YEAR 1 I JUST DID SEVERAL TIMES ALSO AND NOW NOTHING THAT GAME TA SACANAGEM WITH MY FRIENDS JA HAVE THE HEAVY WEAPONS OF THE YEAR 1 AND I HAVE NO STILL THAT SACK BUNGIE IMPROVES TO MY REWARDS[/spoiler]
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1 Reply[spoiler] We're no strangers to love You know the rules and so do I A full commitment's what I'm thinking of You wouldn't get this from any other guy I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it Inside we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it And if you ask me how I'm feeling Don't tell me you're too blind to see Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give, never gonna give (Give you up) (Ooh) Never gonna give, never gonna give (Give you up) We've known each other for so long Your heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it Inside we both know what's been going on We know the game and we're gonna play it I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you[/spoiler]
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*Amy Schumer walks on stage, picks up mic, almost drops it twice while fumbling it taps it to test its on, it screeches* “Ahem. Welcome to my comedy special. I’m Amy Schumer and I have a vagina.” A few small chuckles begin. They slowly increase until most of the audience is giggling at the joke. They don’t stop but Amy continues on to her next joke. “I have periods too.” The audience suddenly roars into laughter. Tears streaming down some people’s faces as they struggle to breathe. Amy still goes on. “One time I woke up and my vagina was like ooh I’m a vagina” The audience laughs so hard they can’t breathe. Amy Schumer walks off stage. The crowd is still roaring with laughter. People begin to pass out due to inability to breathe from laughing so hard. Amy Schumer walks back out, for one last joke. “I have boobs too” That’s it. Amy runs off stage as fast as she can. The crowd starts going insane. People are ripping each other’s faces off, there’s blood everywhere. People begin stripping naked and throwing their own feces. Security can’t control them. Anyone that tries to stop them is instantly mauled. People begin eating each other’s limbs, still laughing the entire time. This crowd has become an uncontrollable mob. Swat teams burst in through the windows, but they can’t stop the beast. The main floor is now covered by a thin pool of blood. 1/4 of the audience is dead by now, but the laughter is louder than ever. The military gets called in, but they don’t know what to do. They send in teams from every entrance to try to stop the mob, but they’re taken down quite quickly. Eventually they decide the only option is to bomb the venue. They clear out everyone within 16 blocks. A Rockwell B-1 Lancer is flown in. The bomb levels the entire building. As military rushes in to check for casualties only one person is left laughing. It’s coming from under the stage. It’s Amy. She’s covered in dirt and rubble, and she’s bleeding. She’s giggling to herself. The soldiers try to get her out from under the stage, but they can’t reach her. They attempt to coax her out but she isn’t moving. Eventually, after what seems like years, she stops laughing. Everything is silent. Nobody moves, you can hear the sound of everyone’s breath in the crisp, cool air. Amy slowly turns around and scans her audience. “Do you want to hear a joke?”
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1 ReplySomeone stole mine so I’ll got with my second favorite [spoiler] The Bungie Services are not directed to children younger than 13 and are offered only to users 13 years of age or older. If you are under 13 years old, please do not use the Bungie Services.[/spoiler]
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1 ReplyWhat the jiminy crickets did you just flaming say about me, you little bozo? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Cub Scouts, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret camping trips in Wyoming, and I have over 300 confirmed knots. I am trained in first aid and I’m the top bandager in the entire US Boy Scouts (of America). You are nothing to me but just another friendly face. I will clean your wounds for you with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this annual trip, mark my words. You think you can get away with saying those shenanigans to me over the Internet? Think again, finkle. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of MSN friends across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the seminars, man. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your bake sale. You’re frigging done, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can tie knots in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in road safety, but I have access to the entire manual of the United States Boy Scouts (of America) and I will use it to its full extent to train your miserable butt on the facts of the continents, you little schmuck. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your silly tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goshdarned sillyhead. I will throw leaves all over you and you will dance in them. You’re friggin done, kiddo.
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4 RepliesTis a little known one from the 2016 election year. [spoiler] The year is 2048 >Trump's Empire has taken Europe and is now invading North Korea >Trump the Ever-Living is working on plans for his Mars base >One of Trump's advisers entered the war room >"My Lord, we just received news that your strike team has failed. Kim Jong Un is still alive." >Trump stood up from his solid gold throne >"Looks like I have to do this myself." >"Sir?" >The Trumptator adjusted his tie >"I need a weapon." >Trump's holocopter (a helicopter with a cloaking device) positions itself above Kim Jong Un's palace >"This shouldn't be long." >He jumps from the holocopter without a parachute >Trump lands standing up, his solid gold armor preventing any bodily harm >The palace's doors open on their own upon Trump's arrival >Lord Trump moves quickly through the palace >The guards put up little resistance, the Trumptator taking them out with headshots >Trump the Immortal enters the throne room and is quickly surrounded by palace guards >They encircle him and take his gold plated assault rifle >"Rooks rike you're stumped!" said the Korean Dictator with a smile >Trump smirks "I don't think so." >Our lord unleashes his dual omni-blades and cuts down the guards in a matter of seconds >Kim Jong Un takes out a handgun from his inside his jacket >"FRUK YOU!" he screams as he empties the magazine >Trump raises his hand and stops all of the bullets Matrix style >Lord Trump aims his trademark gold plated revolver at the Korean dictator >"Kim.." >A bead of sweat ran down the side of Kim Jong Un's face >Trump the Undying pulled back the hammer and smirked >"You're fired" PART 2: >The year is 2066 >Wake up, turn on TNN (Trump News Network) >Watch the destruction from the Blitzkrieg of European elections >Think to myself "Thank God I live in Trumptopia" >Look outside my window >Notice the Trumpstapo kick down my neighbors door >They drag out my neighbor, Francisco Pedro Alejandro Gomez >Trumpstapo force him onto his knees >A man in solid gold comes up to my neighbor, closely followed by his guards, the Trumpen-SS >I squint and notice that it's him, it's really him >Trump the Ever-Living >Trump the Undying >Trump the Conqueror >The other neighbors started to gather around >"You're illegal aren't you?" Our Lord asked >"No senor, no no!" >"That's what they all say" >The Trumpstapo got him on his feet "What should we do with him, my Lord?" >The Trumptator smirked >My neighbors begin to chant >"Wall! Wall! Wall! Wall!" >"Send him to the Wall! Take him away!" >My neighbors cheer and celebrate >Several days later >Turn on TNN >On Fridays, TNN live streams the Wall >All the illegals found that week are stood up on top of the Great Trump Wall >Notice my neighbor is among them >A man in solid gold appears on top of the Wall >How he gets there is unknown, he just does it, he's Trump the Ever-living >The camera zooms in on our Lord >"To all illegals that continue to taint Trumptopia, I will find you. And I will stump you." >Lord Trump begins to kick each illegal one by one off the wall >Their screams echo and quickly disappear as they fall to their death >Those that came to Wall to see the action live shout "STUMPED" after each illegal is kicked What a great time to be alive PART 3: >2068 >Emperor Trump is nearing his goal of world conquest >The North American Empire can't be stopped >Mexico has been destroyed and the blitzkrieg of Europe will begin soon, lead of course by the Emperor himself >America has truly become great again >A rebellion has risen in the NAE >Comprised mostly of libcucks and nogs who want their welfare back >Have tried several times to assassinate Trump the Ever-living but all have failed >The rebellion has devised a new plan that they think will succeed >Have an operative that is Trump's personal servant >Will put poison his wine >The Rebellion will meet at noon before they carry out the plan >The operative goes to the secret meeting location >The rebels tell stories about how a man named Bernie almost defeated Trump >They say how everything and everyone would have been free if Bernie had won >One rebel adds on to the story "Trump wouldn't have won if people knew of his immortality" >A man with a scar under his right eye gives the poison to the operative >"Poison him, end our suffering, it's what Bernie would have wanted" >He takes the poison and hides it as he enters the Trump House >The operative gets the wine and adds in the poison >He stops before entering the Oval Throne Room >"For Bernie" he says to himself as he enters the throne room >He is immediately stopped by the guards who take the wine and aim their weapons at him >"What's going on, it's just wine!" the operative proclaims >The Emperor stand up from his solid gold throne >"Do you truly believe this plan would have worked?" >"Your rebel friends have been dealt with, one of my agents told me of your plan" >The man with the scar under his right eye enters the room and stand next to Lord Trump >"No, NO! This cannot be" the operative says in disbelief >Trump the Ever-living takes his gold plated revolver from his desk >"You're fired" PART 4: >2016 >Trump has just been elected >About to say first words as president >He adjusts his tie and looks straight on into the audience >"Obama, you're fired" >Shortly after this Trump reveals that he's immortal and destroys the constitution >Trump is emperor for the rest of time >2025 >Emperor Trump has solved all of the US' problems >Illegals are stuck behind the Great Trump Wall >The Trumpen-SS keeps degenerates off the streets >Nogs are enslaved again >Trumpstapo sends all illegals that try to get past wall to Trumpentration Camps What a great time to be alive PART 5: >2087 >The Trumptopian war machine controls all of Earth's surface >This has become a problem since there is nowhere to deport immigrants >There isn't really such a thing as immigrants now >That's just what Trump the Unstumpable calls anyone who rebels against him >The common solution has been to attach weights to their feet and throw them into an ocean >But our great Lord Trump is stuck now >There is nowhere to expand >No place to conquer >No place, at least, on Earth >Trump, not to be stumped by Earth, turns his eyes to the stars >He invests about 5% of his net worth (100 quadrillion Donald Dollars) into his space program >He amasses a fleet of 2000 Trump Destroyers and hundreds of thousands of Trump Fighters >The Trumpwaffe is disbanded and all Propaganda Bombers are converted to starships >Flash forward to 2104 >Trump the Conquerer is ready to begin his conquest of the Solar System >He puts out a law that all able-bodied men must serve in his glorious conquest or be deported >Immediately all the citizens of Trumptopia rush to our Lord's aid >Those who didn't are immediately stumped >Trump the Mighty addresses his people >"Today, we embark on a new conquest" >"A conquest whose single goal is to stump all of the illegal aliens in the Solar System" >"Today, we are no longer the Empire of Trumptopia" >"We become the Trumptopian Galactic Empire!" >"Hail, Trump!" >"Hail, Trump!" >"Hail, Trump!" [/spoiler]
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Am I a narcissist if I post my own? "It didn't take long for the tree to fall. Our chainsaw was ruthless. Efficient. But we weren't nearly fast enough. For you had already been crushed beneath the tree. And because of you, we found a hole, unlocked its secrets, and chopped up the tree. Our victory - your victory - was so close... I wish you could have lived to see it. But you belong to the tree. Your body, your clothes - all smashed and turned to sludge. Everything...except your hole. That, you gave to us. And with it, we can build a pool."
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[b]CROAT, FATHER OF ORYK[/b] Is good time conquer Oryk today. Fireteam of Titan, Titan, Warlock, Warlock, Hunter, Hunter. Round of last. I jump to tower, full auto on the gun. Ogre is kill but where knight is? Then death! Architect is give me secret kill. Is wipe, team say? Is wipe? But wait! Activate radiant and is rise from ash like phoenik bird. Knight is run. KNIGHT IS RUN! Unable to stop like kamikaze. One, two, three bang is go the gun. Five million shoot him in the hip then run to middle man. Whoa! Is very close of the call, but no time to calm! Oryk is slam! Is shoot Oryk in chest and run to blacks. Boom! All go white is like Chernobyl. King of Taken destroy! What loot is? [spoiler]320 Helmet and rifle of scout![/spoiler] Is edit: Thank. Is Gorothog fight more excite. Also loot of 2 times boot. One white. Other black. Also Shard of the Mouldering. [spoiler]As always, credit to RoseScythe[/spoiler]
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5 RepliesUse #copypasta [spoiler] A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, "Well my son, what would you like for your birthday?" The son hesitated a moment and his father's thoughts leapt ahead to a new computer and similar things. However, his son had had a new computer only recently and could have a new one any time he wished. Finally, the son said, "Father, I have everything a boy could wish for, but there is one thing I would really like. I would love to have a pink ping pong ball." The father was rather astonished at this wish, but said, "If it is a pink ping pong ball that you want, a pink ping pong ball you shall have." And so, the next day, the son was given as his birthday present a pink ping pong ball. The boy took the ball to his room and the next morning the pink ping pong ball was gone. The father was mildly surprised but decided not to say anything. The pink ping pong ball, however, was never seen again. The next year, a day before his 16th birthday, the father asked his son what he would like for his birthday. "Father," replied the son, "I have everything a boy could possibly wish for, but there is one thing I would really, really like. I would love to have a tenpack of pink ping pong balls." The father was more surprised than the year before, but kept his curiosity at bay, for he knew that his son had a right for privacy. he said therefore, "If it is a tenpack of pink ping pong balls that you want, a tenpack of pink ping pong balls you shall have." And so, the next day, the son was given as his birthday present a tenpack of pink ping pong balls. The boy took the tenpack of balls to his room and the next morning, not a single ball remained, merely the empty husk of the tenpack. The father wondered where ten pink ping pong balls might disappear to, but decided not to say anything. The pink ping pong balls, however, were never seen again. The next year, a day before his 17th birthday, the son was asked by his father what he would like for his birthday. "Father," said the son to this, "I have everything a boy could wish for, but one thing would make my happiness complete. I would dearly want a carton of pink ping pong balls." The father was beyond surprise, but decided to make sure he had not misheard. "A carton of pink ping pong balls?" "A carton of pink ping pong balls," the boy confirmed. "I can't understand your fascination with pink ping pong balls," said the father, "but if it is a carton of pink ping pong balls that you want, it is a carton of pink ping pong balls that you shall have." And so, the next day, the boy was given as his birthday present a carton of pink ping pong balls. The boy was delighted and took the carton to his room. The next day, miraculously (as if by magic, even) the pink ping pong balls had all disappeared. "Dear son," said the father, "I must ask now, what do you do with all those pink ping pong balls?" The son, however, was reluctant to tell him. "Please humor me, dear father." The carton of pink ping pong balls, however, was never seen again. The next year, it was clear that the son would get a car, but the father felt that, perhaps, his son also had some other wish apart from the obvious. So, one day before the son's 18th birthday, the father asked him whether he had a special wish for his birthday. "Dearest father," the son started, "I have everything a young man could possibly want, but there is one craving in me. I would, more than anything, want a warehouse full of pink ping pong balls." One of these years, his father thought, I should get to the bottom of this. However, he decided to humor his son's wish. At least he had been wise enough to buy shares in a pink ping pong ball factory. The next day, the son was given the address of a warehouse where all his new pink ping pong balls were stored. The son was delighted and decided to spend the next night in the warehouse rather than at home. The following morning, the son stepped out of the warehouse, but it seemed to be empty otherwise. The father had a closer look and indeed, apart from empty cardboard boxes, nothing was left inside the warehouse. No pink ping pong balls were left. The following year, one day before the son's 19th birthday, the father braced himself for another warehouse of pink ping pong balls. He asked his son what his deepest desire was and he had not been entirely wrong. "Father, you have made me very happy these last years and this year I ask of you a shipload of pink ping pong balls if at all possible." It was possible, if only because the father had by now bought each and every factory of pink ping pong balls in the country. The next day, the father took his son to the harbor and showed him a huge tanker and told his son that there were millions, billions, trillions of pink ping pong balls in there. "Father," the son said, "You've made me very happy yet again." That night, the son spent on board the tanker. The next morning, not a single of the pink ping pong balls could be found, but the son was happy. A few days before his 20th birthday, however, the son had a terrible road accident and was taken to the hospital. His father visited the young man in hospital. "My dear son! Can I bring you anything to make you feel better?" Weakly, the son sat up in bed. "Father, dearest father, grant me this wish; just one tenpack of pink ping pong balls." The father held his son's hand tightly. "Whatever you wish my son, but I have to give you one condition. Even if it may be embarrassing, I must know what you did with all those pink ping pong balls." "Very well, father, but please indulge me first. I will tell you whatever you wish to know after you have given me the ten pink ping pong balls." The father thought that was fair enough and the next day brought his son the ten asked for pink ping pong balls. The son smiled weakly but seemed too weak to talk. "Son, I leave these pink ping pong balls with you and shall come back tomorrow to ask of you what you have done with all those pink ping pong balls." The son nodded weakly. The next day, less than surprisingly, no pink ping pong balls could be found in the son's hospital room. "Now, my dearest son, apple of my eye, treasure of my life, please tell me what you did with all those pink ping pong balls," the father requested. The son nodded and the father gripped his hand tighter. "I-" the son started and sat up a bit, swallowing with a dry mouth. "I- I-" Then he died [/spoiler]
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[b]E[/b]
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17 RepliesDid you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise? I thought not. It’s not a story the Jedi would tell you. It’s a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life… He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying. The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural. He became so powerful… the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. Ironic. He could save others from death, but not himself.
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Pinecone
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I'm already on my back up account dude, no.
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2 RepliesIn honor of the rumored return of the Mighty Shoulder Charge... [u]IT'S A STRIKER'S LIFE![/u] I am a Titan, Striker type, with muscles strong and large My beefy frame is just ideal for doing shoulder charge. I look around the battlefield and find you on my tracker, And then I run, and when I'm done, I've crushed you like a cracker. The warlocks think I'm pretty dumb, with microscopic brain, But you won't care what I got up there when I hit you like a train. And if my shoulder charge should miss, I will not be afraid: My fist is charged with lightning, and I have a shock grenade. But shoulder charging's what I like, while racing swift and frantic; I like it even better than my awesome Fist of Panic. My other tricks have to recharge, I can't use them at will. But shoulder charge will never fail to score a gruesome kill! I love to shoulder charge the Fallen I'll send them home to mommies bawlin' It's fun to shoulder charge the Hive They'll crap a brick when I arrive (And probably will not survive) I like to shoulder charge the Vex, And pulverize their skinny necks I could just charge Cabal all night, And send them soaring like a kite (A very painful one-way flight) If you said I like charging Taken, You certainly are not mistaken What joy to shoulder charge a Splicer There is simply nothing nicer (And nothing else that rhymes with Splicer) I'll shoulder charge those who defend, In Crucible, I'm not their friend. That Sunbreaker will have no chance, I'll knock him all the way to France. (And then I'll do a silly dance) I'll shoulder charge each fool who hunts They're silly, skinny, whiny runts. And warlocks, they will cry and scream When I come running at full steam (Then teabag them with eyes agleam) I have my trusty shotgun here, I'll blast your face or sock it. Or maybe I'll just light you up with my Dead Orbit rocket I'll sear you with electric light, or hit you like a barge, Life's always good for Strikers who use the shoulder charge!
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3 RepliesYou can count the people who have the full picture on two hands. Of those (less than 10 people) only three are non-military. Why is this relevant? Game theory. Outside of a potential operator who has been dialed-in w/ orders (specific to his/her mission) nobody else has this information. Operators never divulge. Alice & Wonderland.
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Edited by BozzyTheDrummer: 8/8/2018 7:26:24 PMSomeone posted a post like this month and months ago. Someone posted a copypasta about someone shaving his ass hair and the effects it had on him. It was hands down the funniest shit I have ever read in my life and made me laugh harder than ever before. For the love of god and everything holy, please, PLEASE someone post that again so I can have a good laugh.
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1 ReplyWhether we wanted it or not, we've stepped into a war with the Cabal on Mars. So let's get to taking out their command, one by one. Valus Ta'aurc. From what I can gather he commands the Siege Dancers from an Imperial Land Tank outside of Rubicon. He's well protected, but with the right team, we can punch through those defenses, take this beast out, and break their grip on Freehold.
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5 RepliesWhat the -blam!- did you just -blam!-ing say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the -blam!- out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my -blam!-ing words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, -blam!-er. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're -blam!-ing dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your -blam!-ing tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're -blam!-ing dead, kiddo.
