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Edited by DeMix:
7/27/2018 9:09:55 PM
49
Why I've been absent
Hi,
I'm finally back here on OffTopic after like two months, haha. And I feel like I need to tell you guys why I've really been gone.
Okay, so I have really bad social anxiety. And when I say really bad, I mean really bad. I've had this problem ever since I was thirteen years old. It feels like when I go out in public I'm going to war and everyone is out to kill me, everyone is looking at me as a target, and I'm constantly on edge. Which has made me dependant on alcohol. Also, every time I would miss a week of the WYRs I felt like you guys hated me, which really stressed me out.
My dad also dislikes me now. I told him why I'm not a Christian anymore, and that I'm an agnostic atheist and he told me straight to my face I'm going to hell. And that hurt me so bad mentally. I can tell in his eyes he despises me now. And I don't have anything against somebody because of their religion, race, or sexuality. We were watching Game of Thrones one night and a gay scene came up and he literally said, "eww, fa**ots." Which hurt me even more.
The reason is that I grew up and was taught that everyone should just love each other and that you should treat someone the way you would want to be treated. And to find out my dad is a homophobe really struck a nerve with me.
I went to the doctor because I desperately needed anti-depressant medication to cope with family issues and life and got prescribed Paroxetine. And it has only helped a little.
Every time I turn on the news there is somebody who got r*ped, kidnapped, murdered, children getting murdered, a mass amount of negative political debates, starving children, diseases, and I just don't feel like living on this planet anymore. I'm not suicidal, just really damn depressed.
Enough about me, how has my amazing OffTopic family been?
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Prepare to get triggered ——————————— Do you see it... Innocent children getting riddled with holes in schools that were supposed to be safe, just because our congress is greedy... People’s lives slowly ebbing away in hospital’s that are supposed to cure them, just because our doctors are incompetent... Humans being beaten, murder, and sentenced to spend the rest of their lives in cages, just because the police are racist... Does it make you sad? Are you depressed? Don’t be. Does it make you angry? Are you enraged? Have you been bottling up your rage? Do you fear what would happen if you let go? Why? Why not let go? Let it all out? Embrace the rage. Channel your anger. Don’t control it. Mantle it. Become the rage. Let it define you. Let it become you. Are you depressed? —————————— Cure to depression^ —————————— But in all seriousness, don’t become a rage monster. It’ll do horrible things for to your blood pressure. This is a joke. [spoiler]This poem does not reflect my political values by the way[/spoiler]
