I think there should be a new mode in the crucible where the button mapping is randomly generated. The mapping would stay the same each round of that match but would change every match. It could be individual or it could be the same for your team of that match.
There would be no indicator before the match of which buttons did what, players would have to find out ingame.
I believe this would put everyone on an equal playing ground, from first time players to veterans. And it would make for some interesting crucible stories.
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I meant to jump but instead I reloaded. Great story. Personally, this sounds like it would be a mode that such a small percentage would play it wouldn't even justify spending one programmers time.