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Edited by Grays_KS27: 2/15/2018 4:31:38 PM
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Blank Slate: Crimson Days (Part 4)

Table of Contents https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/225386550/0/0 • • • "I thought you said this was a good bar," Ilya complains, sipping her drink. The bar is small, with only a few stalls and a short counter. It's clear that some cleaning needs to be done, and I've only seen three employees. There aren't many other patrons, but their chatter still manages to fill the close space. Ilya and I are across from each other, sitting in the corners of our stall against the wall, with Null next to me and Yvan beside Ilya. "At least the glasses are clean," Null shrugs. "It's the best one I'm allowed to enter," Yvan mutters, tapping his glass on the table, "At least it's not crowded and loud." "....I'm not even going to ask," Ilya sighs, setting her drink down. Null takes a swig of his beverage, then inquires, "So, have y'all heard the Crimson Days story?" "Yeah," Ilya answers. "No," Blanc says, seeming to perk up with curiosity. "May the Traveler strike me with its Light if I have to hear that again..." Yvan grumbles under his breath, belting down his drink. "So, there's several versions of the story," Null explains, eliciting a groan from Yvan, "But that's not important. The theme is what's important." He swallows down more of his drink, then clears his throat and continues, "Let me tell you the story of when the Guardians first encountered the Cabal. It was the first days back on the frontier, when we'd finally found a way to repower the old jumpships and explore what remained of the colonies. There were two Guardians. While both served the Light, in all other ways they were rivals. One spent his days searching forgotten places for lost treasures. The other sought ever-greater challenges in a ceaseless quest for glory. One day, both Guardians detected a strange signal coming from a buried city on Mars. The Warlock, hoping to find forgotten caches, vowed to keep his secret until he alone had a chance to explore the site. The Hunter, seeing a chance to earn the renown she craved, also told no one. Thus both Guardians walked into peril alone and unprepared. It was not long before their paths crossed. The Warlock mocked his rival's pride. The Hunter ridiculed her rival as a dirt-grubber. In their anger, they turned on one another and never saw danger approach. The Sand Eaters came in force. The Centurions jumped into range before the Guardians could react. The steps of the Colossus shook the ground. The Phalanxes' shields created a wall that no weapon could penetrate, and the Legionaries moved in for the kill. Faced with certain destruction, the Guardians did the only thing they could. They fought. Back to back, they battled the Cabal for a day and a night. Black oil soaked into the sand until the ground was slick with death. The shields and armor of the dead littered the battlefield, but still the Cabal came. The Guardians died, revived, and died again. Still they fought, protecting one another. With his last bit of strength, the Warlock used the Void to destroy their enemies. And with her last bullet, the Hunter saved her friend from the Colossus. At last, the battlefield fell silent. Only the Guardians stood. Abandoning their quests, they returned to the City to warn the Vanguard of the threat rising on Mars. From that day to this, the pair have been the closest of companions. In their journeys together, they have found both riches and renown. But these things mean nothing unless they are shared." Null leans back and happily sips his drink, making it clear that he's finished, and I look from him to the other two. Ilya's mouth is slightly opened in silent shock, and Yvan has his head in his hands with his elbows propped on the table. "Did you just..." Ilya asks, "Quote that whole thing?" "Word for word," Yvan moans through his fingers, "Completely memorized." "That's right," Null verifies proudly, swirling his glass in a small circle above the table. "Leave it to a Warlock," Ilya exhales. Yvan gulps down the last of his beverage, planting the empty cup next to Ilya and standing, then huffs, "I need to go kill something. Making the ground slick with death and all that crap in your story." "That's the spirit!" Null congratulates, rising to his feet then quietly addressing Ilya and me, "He'll be bloodthirsty until he can carve the story out of his head. I need to make sure he doesn't pick a fight on the way out again. The last bar banned him for life after he threw a Titan through the window and blew up their counter." Yvan is already stalking towards the door, and Null places some Glimmer on the table. Ilya and I begin to stand, and Ilya says, "Alright, we'd better get after him." But Null holds up a hand and directs, "No, please, I can handle him well enough on my own. Don't bother yourselves. That should be enough Glimmer to cover our drinks." "Are you sure?" Ilya questions. "I insist," he affirms, "Yvan wouldn't want too much company. And pardon me if I sound egocentric, but I do believe I'm one of the few people he tolerates, although I'm sure the two of you are close seconds." "Good to know," Ilya mumbles. "Anyway," Null finishes, "I think I'll be able to enjoy myself. If I'm lucky, we'll run into a couple of nice girls. Happy Crimson Days. You two have a good time." He gives us a teasing smile and a wink before hustling after Yvan, leaving the two of us alone. "He can be such a child sometimes," Ilya sighs, taking a swig. She fiddles with her glass for a few moments, then sighs again, "I can't even break the ice with you, Keis. You could at least try to be talkative." "So," Blanc jumps in, saving the day, "Crimson Days was started to celebrate companionship and fighting the Darkness together? Stuff like that?" "More or less," Ilya confirms, "Though I'm sure Nat has made it clear by now that it's more about romance these days." "Yeah, I noticed," Blanc says, "But that's how she usually is with Quintel. Do you have a special someone?" "No," Ilya answers, "I haven't exactly been surrounding myself with very charming men today. No offense, Keis. You're a gentleman, polite, and a good listener. I'm sure Null could be one heck of a lady-killer if he wanted, but y'all aren't the best at showing a girl a good time." "Say what you will," Blanc dismisses jokingly with an air of superiority, "I always have a good time with Keis, and he'll always be the perfect Guardian for me. And I'm the perfect Ghost for him. Isn't that right, Keis?" "Yes," I agree. "How, in the name of the Traveler, did you brainwash him like that?" Hae inquires, "Please teach me." "Don't tell him a thing," Ilya chides, pushing him away and standing, "I'll get us another round." She looks at my untouched glass and adds, "I'll drink yours for you."

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  • It’s good but two things - think about your sentence construction more. Take your second sentence for example... [i]The bar is small, with only a few stalls and a short bar[/i] It should read.... The bar is small, short, with only a few stalls And why is everything written in present tense? It’s reading more like a script, a set of directions, rather than a piece of prose that’s telling a story. Now, that doesn’t mean that prose can’t be written in present tense. If you take the likes of Raymond Chandler and that kind of pulp crime thriller, it gives an immediacy to the story - [i]I feel the cold hard metal of a .45 pressed against my back, and in that instant I know I’ll be pushing up the daisies if I don’t act fast[/i] - that kind of thing. However, it’s what’s appropriate for the context. And the more relaxed context of your story might be better suited for regular past tense

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